Placeholder
Ronke had been preparing and looking forward to this day, knowing that it’s what she has to do. However, as the day drew closer, a melancholy-like feeling gradually began to set in. She realized she was going to miss this place.
Many people make a move or decision with a goal in mind, but that wasn’t the case for Ronke. She knew this era had to come to an end, but she also had no idea what she had to do next. She thought back to one of her data classes where she had learned the meaning of a variable — a container that acts as a placeholder for things. She imagined the word ‘placeholder’ as a perfect description for the era she’s ending and the unknown she might be stepping into.
Deep sighing, she texted her friend.
“Hey girl, I’m leaving soon. Do you want to meet up?”
About 20 minutes later, her friend texted her back. “Yeah, sure. When?” They went on to schedule a hangout for later.
Seeing her friend and saying out loud that it might be a while before they would see each other again didn’t help subdue that feeling. Saying goodbye to each other at the end of the day, her friend stepped in to give her a warm hug.
“Thank you for everything.”
“Thank you too,” Ronke replied. With that, they parted ways.
Placeholder state — a temporary place in the present that represents one’s feeling between the present and the uncertain future.
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In this placeholder state, you’re sure one part is over or has to end, and you have to do something — or you’re currently doing something now in the present — but you have no idea how to navigate or reach the next step, even though there might be a vision or target in mind.
Mostly, this placeholder state bears a lot of feelings — uncertainty, comparison, doubt, maybe self-criticism and fear.
What I find fascinating is that one can have something going on for them actively and still find themselves in this placeholder state. Probably because they’re not exactly in places or points they wish they’d be.
One thing that makes this placeholder state perfect is that it allows room to acknowledge every thought (positive or not) and emotion whilst still acknowledging your current reality.
I mentioned in one of my past newsletters that I’m learning two emotions can coexist at the same time. What allows room for the other is that placeholder state. That “I’m happy I have school, but I’m also struggling to study,” or “I’m happy I have a job, but it’s also hard, so I dislike it”, or “I’m living a life of answered prayers now, but it’s not what I want yet or where I want to be.” etc.
Those thoughts that if voiced out loud might make people look at you weirdly or respond with, “But you have this going for you…. why not focus on the positives?” — thereby downplaying or dismissing that niggling feeling that resides in one corner of your mind.
It’s the placeholder state that creates room for those thoughts — the disconnect between external perception and internal reality — and allows those feelings to exist freely.
Happy New Month! 🤗
What have you been up to lately? Any failures, wins or placeholder moments? You can share — I’d love to hear.
Love, Kate.
