Dear Melinda…
Finding focus and staying focused can be a challenge for many of us. Recently, Melinda wrote in the following question specifically addressing this in her life.
I need focus. I feel like I have a lot of talent in a lot of different areas. I spread myself amongst a whole bunch of different passions and interests, and that leaves a lot of things hanging. If I could figure out what I should focus my energy on, then maybe I’d feel more fulfilled. I’m just not sure what it is I should focus on or what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I need help figuring out my purpose.
And I’d like to offer Melinda and others like her a few tips that may help relieve the anxiety and overwhelm I hear in her voice.
If Melinda were in front of me, one of the first things I’d ask her is, specifically what are you trying to accomplish? Better understanding her end goal will help me as a coach know and understand what is most important to her. That context is crucial in helping her identify her next steps.
And since Melinda isn’t in front of me, I need to guess at how she may respond to my question. Let’s imagine Melinda responds,
I’m in my twenties and am all over the place trying to decide how and where to focus the next couple years of my career. It is important to me to feel fulfilled in what I am doing. But my parents tell me that it is time to buckle down and pay off student loans. Where do I start?
Based on Melinda’s fictional response it sounds to me like she is young, inexperienced, driven, and feeling a little guilty that her career hasn’t taken off like who ever it is her parents are comparing her to.
As a coach I’m curious about this guilt it appears she’s heaping on herself. I’d dig into that a little more and see if she can give herself permission to be who she is at this moment in time instead of feeling lack. It might be that she needs some help increasing her confidence and/or developing some healthy boundaries with her parents and their expectations of her.
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What are her expectations for herself? And an even better question is, what are Melinda’s aspirations for this chapter of her life?
I’m also curious about what makes Melinda feel fulfilled? Can she list 5 things that make her feel fulfilled when she’s working on them? Are there any patterns when she looks at this list of 5 things that make her feel fulfilled? What does she think will make her feel fulfilled?
What is Melinda doing now? What does she like/not like about what she is doing now? What does she WANT to focus her energy on? What does she THINK will make her parents proud? What will make Melinda proud?
And after getting a sense of those questions, I’d ask Melinda if there are any action steps that she wants to experiment with?
- Maybe she wants to job shadow someone who has a job that she thinks she’d enjoy.
- Maybe she wants to journal around her values so that she can better identify careers that are in alignment with her personal values.
- Maybe she wants to role play a conversation with her parents to help them better understand what she’s working on currently.
- Maybe she wants to give herself permission to stop “should-ing” all over herself.
And the list goes on.
It is my hope that you can relate to Melinda and her story and that a few of these tips and insights can help you find peace and relief with whatever projects may have you feeling unfocused.
What advice would you give Melinda? What questions do you want to be answered for your life?
