Some Insecurities Just Change Their Shape
How childhood fears follow us into adulthood, changing their questions but never quite leaving us
There’s a little girl in my neighbourhood, and she’s so cute.
A week ago, I asked my mum, “Was I this cute when I was her age?”
Without even pausing, she replied, “NO. What’s true is true, and one should not lie.”
And here I am, still thinking about it…..
But then again, we’re not supposed to compare ourselves with others, are we?
Today, when I saw that little girl again, something from my childhood suddenly came back to me.
When I was little, I used to ask my mum, “If you find a girl cuter than me, will you replace me with her?”
She would immediately dismiss the question, wondering what a silly thing it was to ask.
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And honestly, looking back, it does sound silly.
But at that age, it wasn’t.
I was genuinely afraid of being replaced. Afraid that someone better, prettier, or cuter might come along and take my place.
And now, after all these years, I realise something.
That insecurity hasn’t really disappeared. It has just modified.
I don’t ask my mum whether she’ll abandon me for a cuter child anymore. But perhaps the little girl who was afraid of not being enough is still somewhere inside me.
The person I seek reassurance from has changed. The situations have changed. But the fear, perhaps, hasn’t.
Maybe growing up doesn’t always mean outgrowing our insecurities.
Sometimes, overthinking just needs a little over-explaining. But how does someone know that, at that particular moment, all we need is reassurance?
How does it feel to be reassured at the right time, by the right person, without having to ask for it?
I wonder.
KΛZ
