I, Hermit!
© by Kemander
I am supposedly of genius I.Q., whatever that means, but there has always been and always will be a time lag as my mind translates the images my thoughts consist of into verbalization. The vocabularies from my poor grasp of seven different languages only confuses the issue further when I’m too tired to think straight. Combine that with often fighting insomnia and I’m quite a mess. The up side is that I don’t have nightmares. I never dream when I sleep, apparently because my mind forms streaming images as thoughts while I’m awake. I have no idea what dreams are like if they differ from my thoughts, which don’t qualify as what I interpret surreal to be. I see everything as mattering very much, except for the futility of human life and humanity’s willful self destructiveness. It has no point beyond self satisfaction and no where to go, except to the grave. So, I don’t engage much because the knowledge I have will generally be ignored and unappreciated, if it’s paid the courtesy of being attended to in the first place.
I don’t find most of what modern day life offers as being very meaningful. TV has little to nothing I find worthwhile on it, so I never watch it. Instead, I spend my time researching and learning, finding that the world of digitized online libraries universities have been busy making available to the general web surfer are a vast store of knowledge I would never otherwise have available to me. I felt my studies at the different colleges and universities I went to was hindered by the academic faculties’ designed agendas for what they felt a student should learn, much of which I felt was an utter waste of my time, only interfering with time I could have otherwise devoted to the subjects I was interested in. So I guess my disheartening with life as an adult began at that point. I nevertheless studied and learned all I could of where my interests truly did lay, feeling the craving to find answers for where I lacked and thus kind of sloshed my way through what I considered to be trivially non-essential BS. So by academic standards I was by no means a brilliant student, yet I’ve never stopped being a student, either. Still, I see no point to life beyond learning, since the joy of sharing life experiences with a life partner has been removed from me.
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I find I’m happier engaging with no-one. Nobody wants to answer questions, nor hear the answers to their questions. Why bother?
I’m absolutely heathen in belief system. We’re here, and that is the only hard fact we have to go on. Without visible or provable criteria to structure how we came to be here, let alone why, all conceptual ideology tediously connected together to come to any explanation for how and why is simply the fruit of creative imaginations, and in the case of religion, is of little more value than one fairy tale added on to another, and so on down the line. If others want to believe in an imagined, invisible, all-seeing sky-father figure who has never been seen by any first hand witness account, never spoken to anyone as recorded by credible means, then sure, they have every right to their delusion, but it’s entirely a theory stemming from imagination, and I can write my own interesting fiction without any other organized(?) group or author’s input.
So instead, what fascinates me is studying almost lost, lost and ancient cultures and social structures. What did they eat, how did they obtain it, what tools did they use, how did they express their humour, and did they leave visible evidence of their humour behind them to add to the obfuscation of their “legacy”, what were their interactions with each other within their community like, and yes, what were the belief systems and practices they followed and what archaeological evidence did they leave behind, if any, to indicate what those practices may have been. I don’t care, beyond whether their greetings were war-like or friendly, about any psychology concerning how they welcomed and proselytized strangers or victims into their belief systems.
I’m very darkness and death oriented, so I relate best to pagan belief systems which embrace death as a pathway to the continuation of life.
