Anger, Sweetness, Jealousy, Sadness
Can all of these exist in one person at the same time?
I watch my sweet nieces. They try so hard to be good, to be kind, to be loved. But sometimes they get angry. They shout, resist, push back. And I allow them to feel it. I don’t want them to suppress any emotion the way I did.
Yesterday, I watched them on the climbing frame. The older one wanted to control the game. When her younger sister asked to switch roles, she calmly threatened not to share her toys unless things went her way. A few seconds later, the younger burst into tears. She felt the pressure, and I felt it too. Something wasn’t fair.
And then, almost as quickly as it came, it dissolved. They were hugging, playing together again. Sadness, anger, jealousy, sweetness — all present, all real. Watching them, I understood that emotions aren’t separate. They coexist, sometimes in tension, sometimes in harmony.
I spent years pushing emotions down. Pretending everything was fine. So long that my body eventually reacted. My colon became inflamed. Digestive problems. IBS. Discomfort, unpredictability, exhaustion.
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I believed emotions should be controlled, hidden, managed. That anger was wrong. Sadness a weakness. Jealousy shameful.
But emotions don’t disappear. They stay. Accumulate. Wait.
These days, my main theme is sadness. Quiet, heavy, persistent, like a wave I have been riding my whole life.
Is there a recipe for sadness?
How long does it take to move through it?
Sometimes I just want to cry. And cry. And cry.
Until it is finally finished.
