Arrogance?
Still learning you:
Maybe it’s the way I unfold
and don’t know how to hold you gently.
Because I love you — I do —
even when it doesn’t sound like it.
Maybe I am privileged
to question you,
to name and sentence you for what still hurts,
to want more than what was given.
Maybe it’s the way you chose survival,
the way you let me go
so something worse wouldn’t stay.
You were learning life without a map.
I see that now —
more than I did before.
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Maybe I am too arrogant
to fully understand your fear,
your limits,
the shape of your pain.
Maybe I’m still learning how.
Our calls come and go,
and we always seem to be floating —
stuck somewhere in between.
Who knew growing up
would mean re-meeting you
like this, over and over again?
You move through my memory,
that white house half-lit —
rooms I return to,
rooms I avoid.
You were learning the world
while I was learning you.
Somewhere in between,
we lost the same map.
Maybe I am too arrogant
to blur the edges of what once was,
to let love be enough without needing answers.
Maybe I am just arrogant.
-kxthyv
