She Despises Cheese
Today I met a woman who hates cheese. My slack-jawed face could not absorb her admission. Who is this being? She must not really mean it.
“I’ve hated cheese since I was a kid.”
She must have loved Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. And cheese pizza had to be an exception, since it is the ringer meal for all kid parties. Clearly she couldn’t mean she hated ALL cheese in all forms.
“Nope. I have never liked cheese. I won’t eat it. If a dish has sneaky cheese, I can taste it, and will spit it out every time. I’ve even wiped my tongue with a napkin to get rid of the dirty cheese taste.”
So how does this happen? What kind of upbringing leads to despising this most-loved food group of Cheese?
- Allergies. She must be allergic to dairy. “No. I like milk, and don’t have any allergies.”
- Tragedy. As a child, she must have been burned in a horrific accident involving hot Velveeta and Rotel, or maybe she was forced to eat a whole package of individually wrapped lukewarm Kraft Singles. Again, the answer was “no.”
- Mental Illness. She presented herself as a sane human being, so I asked her profession. She is a medical doctor with a partnership in a successful practice, and married with a loving husband. By all accounts, she is well-adjusted and copes well with life. Another dead end.
- Alien From Space. Her appearance was human, but I imagine that beings from other planets have studied us enough to know how to behave regarding cheeses. For this reason it is unlikely she is an alien, but I’ll need a full autopsy to confirm.
- Actual Human With Defective Taste Buds. Given the unlikelihood of an alien from space ignoring the every-human-loves-cheese characteristic (see #4 above), this has got to be the ticket. She has a birth defect.
I’m sticking with #5. Clearly she was born with some sort of taste bud malfunction that causes her brain to reject the delicious flavor of all kinds of cheese.
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What a sad life she must lead without the ability to enjoy sharp cheddar on a cracker, smoky Gouda in mashed potatoes, bleu cheese on a burger, or fresh burrata. And Pizza! She hates pizza. What a horrific disability.
I’m thinking about starting a foundation to research a Cure for Defective Cheese-Hating Taste Buds. Stay tuned.
Take a look at these Cheese Products for Cheese Loving Humans:
Adjustable Thickness Cheese Slicer
