Fear
Have you ever been afraid in your life? Not scared-like when you come home after your curfew and have to face your parents- but afraid. Afraid like when you are about to open your college admission letter and know that your entire future depends on it. Afraid like when your fifth grade teacher is asking questions and you know you don’t know the answer and what if you are ‘next’? Afraid like when your parents would fight when you were a kid and you were sure they would get a divorce and what will happen to you then? Now you think those moments were trivial. There were other colleges. Most people in class did not know the answer. Of course your parents were not really going to get a divorce. But you didn’t know this then. Being afraid is not the same as being scared. Fear consumes you, it feeds on that uncertainty. It clings to you like a leech until it sucks everything that you know is certain and leaves you in a fog of dubiety. It could be days, or hours, or seconds but in that time you are in a labyrinth and Minotaur is coming for you- and you are blind. Now you think those moments were trivial but your memory tells you otherwise. You remember them because those moments scarred you. Nothing- nothing about fear is trivial.
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Have you ever been afraid in your life? Go back to that moment. What did it feel like? Your heart beat quickened, your head felt heavy- may be it was hard to breather. May be you lost focus and your vision became blurry. Your palms were sweaty.Do you remember what it felt like? Now imagine feeling that every day- every fuking day.
You have an exam tomorrow so you are sitting in the library studying. Its nice weather and you thought you’ll take a walk downtown. You are at a party and there is loud music. You are on a date siting in a fancy restaurant. And it hits you. Like walking late night and a Bull Terrier jumps at you from no where. Only you cant see it. You cant see it because there is no dog. There is only fear.
And nothing about fear is trivial.
