3–3–2018
Today was a really hard day for me. My husband plays softball on Saturdays, with my baby now being over a month old I figured since we had warm weather she could go for a couple of hours. So we go and she was having a good time while still being a baby. She ate, slept, and got her diaper changed. After a couple of hours I knew that all the milk I brought she was going to go through and I needed to get her some more. I went back to my house to get my pump supplies since I wasn’t breast feeding her. I now regret not breastfeeding her or at least not putting her on formula. I get back to the softball field and realized that after I thought I grabbed everything I need I was missing the most important part, the pump itself. My baby was so hungry that she was screaming for a good 30 minutes. I tried breastfeeding her and she wouldn’t take my breast. At this point I was willing to go buy a pump or some instant formula. After realizing I didn’t know where my wallet was or my phone I just took her and left to go back to our house. As I’m driving home, I wanted to cry. I felt so useless and a horrible mother because I couldn’t feed her the most natural way I could. In my mind I just kept thinking that I’m never doing this again, that we are never going to the softball fields. I left everything in the car except her and ran downstairs to get the instant formula just to feed her, at the same time I got more milk to put in the warmer. After she ate some of the instant formula she was sleeping because she had worn herself out but I kept her milk ready for her. We finally went downstairs and I had her asleep in my arms and I just wanted to hold her and cry. I felt horrible and I just kept looking at her and saying I’m so sorry babygirl. Overall, I came to the conclusion that we can go but we just need to be more prepared. Either bring more milk or bring all the parts for the pump. For now on I will be packing everything I need the night before to make sure I have everything for her.I was also able to get her to latch tonight to feed her! I was so proud of her and it made me feel a little bit better. Today I also decided that I will be breastfeeding her naturally as well.
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