I Thought I’d Be a Doctor by Now
But maybe I’m not lost — maybe I’m just figuring things out.
The Dream I Grew Up With
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor. It wasn’t just a goal — it was the dream. I studied hard, gave up a lot, and carried that dream like it was part of me. I thought if I just kept going, I’d get there.
But somewhere along the way, something else started calling me. Writing. It didn’t shout — it whispered. It wasn’t clear, but it felt familiar. Like a memory I forgot I had. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I started writing about it.
Graduation Day
May 2023 was one of the biggest days of my life. I graduated from college — the first in my family to do it. My dad’s an electrician, my mom’s a housewife, and I’m one of seven kids. That day wasn’t just mine — it was for all the quiet sacrifices my parents made. Every late-night prayer, every time they chose our needs over their own.
I felt proud. Not just for me, but for them.
What Came After
The next morning, I asked myself, “Now that I’ve finished Pre-Med, will it be easier to get into Med School?” I was hopeful. Tired. A little desperate, if I’m being honest.
But the truth? It wasn’t easier. It never was.
The Unexpected Pause
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I’m now in my second gap year. Not because I gave up, but because things didn’t go as planned.
The first year came after I didn’t hit the NMAT score I needed. That’s the test you take to get into med school. I had just started working full-time a week after graduation, trying to help out at home. Balancing work and studying was tough.
The second year came after I didn’t get into a competitive five-year med program. I tried. I hoped. But it didn’t happen.
The Questions I Didn’t Want to Ask
After realizing I’d be waiting another year, I started asking myself things I didn’t want to ask:
“Is med school really for me?”
“Am I still on the right path?”
I won’t lie — there’s doubt. It shows up quietly, sometimes loudly. But maybe this pause isn’t just about waiting. Maybe it’s about listening. Not just to my goals, but to why I had them in the first place.
Where Writing Comes In
That’s when writing came back into my life. I remembered how I used to write — school stuff, random thoughts, little reflections. Nothing fancy. But it made me feel something. Curious. Calm. Like maybe writing could help me figure things out.
I’m not saying I’ve given up on medicine. I still want to be a doctor. But maybe writing is part of the journey too.
Still Moving
So yeah, I thought I’d be a doctor by now. But life had other plans. And maybe that’s okay.
If you’re feeling lost, unsure, or stuck — this is me. Maybe it’s you too. And maybe we’re not lost. Maybe we’re just learning to listen.
