The Wondrous Eyes of a Preschooler
“The most important period of life is not the age of university studies, but the first one, the period from birth to age of six.” Maria Montessori
Have you looked deeply into the eyes of a happy 3 year old? The sparkle, the wonder, their joy in the moment? The gleaming eyes and smiling pride of accomplishment, the look of concentration when completing a task? The intentionality in their eyes when sorting objects or observing people and animals?
Of course, there is also the look of “I got you!” when they exercise their power and refusal to do what is asked by their parents. Or the sad cries of disappointment and naptime. Even worse are the eyes of a child suffering through fear, illness, loss, hunger and war. For this essay, in the midst of our world’s tragedies, I am relishing the joys of being the grandmother of a healthy, thriving preschooler.
Being “gramma” is not like other relationships in my life. It reopens doors in my soul that bring me eagerly back to the inner world of childhood. Our monthly visits to be with her always leave me wanting more of her inner light, her sweetness, her gentleness. She is boundless when singing along with a favorite song and flinging her body into a dance move with the music. She is confident when she walks me to the family chicken coop, wearing her high rubber boots, carrying her basket and instructs me on how to collect eggs from the family’s chickens. She and I count each one outloud. In the backyard pond, we share water play, and I giggle when she wiggles her body and kicks her way to me, head down through the water.
There, with each visit a bond is developing. She has a gentle soul and I don’t want to overwhelm her. I approach her and she may hesitate, but as soon as she invites me in, my heart leaps and I am hers. She is gradually reaching beyond her mom and dad, but will readily rush back to their familiar, loving arms.
On a recent visit, she saw my bandages from a leg surgery and gently touched them. We exchanged looks and her face revealed her empathy, her concern. I reassured her: “it’s not so bad, it’ll be ok soon.” She told her mom reassuringly, “mommy, it’s not so bad, it’ll be ok”. I gently hugged her and agreed.
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What fine human beings preschoolers are if we pause to notice. They embody the original meaning of “living fully”. With a child, we may see things differently as they awaken in us that sense of fully living in the moment. They can bring light into our lives regardless of our stress and have us laughing with glee at the sight of them or knock us over with their surprising wit. When we visit I unplug from the world of adults, my stresses and worries and settle into the small moments and efforts of child discovery,
Along with the expressiveness of their eyes, their voices are sweet, small and vulnerable. We adults may be deeply moved if we listen. The sounds of their words as they work to articulate a word and to be understood resonates with our own desire to be heard. If we are patient and attentive, we will understand them. Their authentic sounds of delight in discovery of other beings may be soft as they focus on the facial expression of another.
There is an abundance of research on early childhood that distinguishes their differences with older children, adolescents and adults. There is observational research of early behaviors, studies of their linguistic development. We can attach electrodes to read their brain waves, use MRIs to light up their brains, identify brain chemistry and more. It’s fascinating, but the greatest way to appreciate the preschooler is to get down on their level, run with them, play with them, listen or follow their lead and see the world anew.
The 3 year old in my life is a granddaughter who is secure, loved and healthy. Being part of her life, her growth and discovery feels like a privilege. Having raised 3 boys from birth, I admit that the preschool age has always been a joyous time for me. I recall coming from work to pick up my sons from preschool, and when my spinning work day was calmed, it became a good day. I lost my rushed scowl, slowed down and smiled at the sight of them and their preschool buddies.
Each of my own has taken me on their unique journey of development. All of them were fascinating boys, reminding me that through their eyes, the world has much to offer. They reminded me how to love unconditionally and later, when it was right, how to let go as they grew away from me. And now I am able to share the beauty of this foundational stage with my own grandchild.
Taking cues from my granddaughter reestablishes my own sense of wonder when I watch her interact with a new task as if there is nothing else more important. My granddaughter watched her father use a tractor to cut the grass and then set upon cutting a small patch of grass with a pair of scissors. When asked to come eat dinner, she calmly said, “I am busy, I am working”.
The play of preschoolers is work and their work is play if we can offer them the space and materials to fascinate their minds. When they are free to concentrate, they are satisfied, happy beings. Respecting their process reminds me to respect my own, to find personal fulfillment in daily moments.
My fascination with the process of learning and human development is lifelong, but that interest became impassioned as a parent who read child development books voraciously. I have found there is much wisdom to be gained from a preschooler and agree with the famous preschool educator, Maria Montessori who said, “Children are human beings to whom respect is due, superior to us by reason of their innocence and of the greater possibilities of their future.”
There is a universality in the stages of early childhood. Across the globe, healthy, nurtured babies will find their way through the same steps of development. It is comforting to realize how “normal” these steps are, and reassuring when our own children pass through these phases in their special, individual way. Within different cultures, environments and languages a child will adapt their behavior to their surroundings, but their basic human needs and stages of growth are the same. Here lies another wondrous truth to celebrate in early childhood: our fundamental humanity. We need one another and have more in common than separates us. Here is another reason to honor the ways children give us hope for the future of our world and be grateful.
