I’m Not Exactly Mr. Rogers

Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be my neighbor?

No, this isn’t my neighborhood greenway, Photo by tamara garcevic on Unsplash

This morning, for the first time since my cancer surgery, I found myself attracted to a random stranger. Well, first time for any attraction actually. It’s been a while since I thought, “Hey, he’s a good looking guy.” It felt a little odd, but I’m hoping it’s a sign that my body is balancing itself out.

If you haven’t read any of my past stories, you may not know that I had cancer and they removed my reproductive system. The joy of being without detectable cancer is balanced by sudden surgical onset menopause, recovery from surgery (two of them), and my body chemistry being thrown out of wack. Especially the sex hormones.

I haven’t really worried about the physical recovery from the actual procedures in months. The second surgery was just over a year ago, and any slice and dice they did has healed as far as I’m aware. Menopause, on the other hand, is something that will be around for the rest of my life, but I’m taking my stray thought this morning as a sign that perhaps my body is getting close to a new normal. I was beginning to wonder if I would feel sexual attraction to someone ever again.

And I’ve pondered whether it would matter if I didn’t.