Acceptance
One of the things I have been struggling with the most of late is Acceptance.
The acceptance that life is not linear.
The acceptance that time is not linear.
The acceptance that healing is not linear.
The acceptance that love is not linear.
The acceptance that pain is not linear.
The acceptance that grief is not linear.
The acceptance of the uncertainities that will never end.
Death is really the only thing we are sure of on this journey. I wonder why so many are that afraid. Shouldn’t it be comforting to a point?
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I have just been sighing very heavily. Very very heavily. Deep deep sighs.
I have found myself wondering and bargaining with the gods a lot. Can I have all the bad days together and then all the good days together? Can we divide the weeks into good ones and other ones. Or at least, get I get a heads up? Even a day’s notice would work. I’d really really appreciate it.
I am so exhausted of the waves, the winds, the bumps, the curves. In the same breath, I can’t imagine not being able to experience the actual waves, winds, bumps, and curves.
I really do understand them. I see their importance and value in the fullness and wholeness of things. Good days can’t be good without the opposite. A wave would not be a wave without the flow. A tree would not just be the trunk, branches, and leaves without the roots and the darkness below. As the highs, so the lows. The reality of that can be difficult to get used to.
The rule of thumb: As Above, So Below.
Still, it does not make it any easier at all. Especially when other factors come to play like work, responsibilities, applications, school, social life, family life, etc. And the more the factors are at play at the same time, the more complex it gets. Navigating the complexities is one of the most tasking things in life.
It is in these moments that I really force myself to not believe that I am an active co-creator of my life. Because, what is this? I’m clearly my own enemy if this is the reality I am creating.
I don’t know if things get easier at this point. I have been waiting for them to get easier for a long time. Children, (says a fellow tired child), the horizon does not look good.
It doesn’t mean it is not a good worthwhile life.
