I’m 50

In a few weeks, I’ll “turn 50.” Which means that I’ll have FINISHED 50 years of living.

Last year, I watched “Live to 100, The Secrets of the Blue Zones.” and decided I was going to do my best to get to be a centenarian. That’s lots of years to experience so many adventures and do “The Good Work.” So, in a few weeks, I’ll be on the other side of the next half of my life... right?

Instead of feeling inspired, I’ve been sitting in this weird wibbly wobbly, liminal space of inactivity. I suppose that’s appropriate for being in an in-between place. But, also, it’s annoying AF.

I want to do important work, and artistic creative work, work that makes a difference. I want to do something new and engaging. Yet, I’m having a hard time focusing past the next episode of “Superstore” these days.

(I’m late to the show, and am only on season 4 or so. It’s also brainwashing me into wanting to go work at a Big Box store, which I don’t think is the important or artistic creative work that makes a difference that I am looking for…. Still. No Spoilers.)

I’m a big fan of NOT making decisions from a place of feeling uninspired, or emotionally low. So there have been NO decisions, and more Netflix.

50 years down. Who do I want to BE now? What do I want to DO now? I’ve got the whole world at my fingertips, and here I sit.

There is no enlightenment yet. I’ll get back to you when I’m on the other side of this.

It’s a half-assed essay.