Will your love ever be as long as my Spotify playlist?
And what should I do when I realize that you’ve never reached the length I’ve extended to reach your arm?
Disclaimer: I love non-linear writing, because it’s just a good way to dump what’s currently in my mind — I hope this mess won’t bother your experience, or maybe you can just leave if this is not your cup of tea.
There’s something about the way music captivated everyone, and how it could connect, separate, and reconnect every souls that wander on this planet.
I’ve been wandering and wondering about what’s the matter — what’s so important about music taste and finding someone who shares the same as yours? — I think it’s not the most important quality to look for in a relationship. There are just so much more than just music that you can have in your checklist before you start to commit with someone, right?
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Maybe, just maybe, music isn’t everything. I’ve seen a metalhead ended up with a ballerina, no one bat an eye on them, because there’s nothing controversial about it. Not having the same taste for everything is not a crime; it’s just another difference that makes us humans, humans.
Unfortunately, the more I try to defend this belief, the more I seem to falter. Again, I’ve seen myself losing my old beliefs after being challenged — not debated, but actually challenged by the variety of situation that has happened during decade(s) of my life. And in my peculiarity — one that is called professionally as a personality disorder — I know better to not easily believe what’s in my mind, and that’s the most exhausting and contradicting thing I have to deal for the rest of my life — my version of Sisyphus’ boulder.
I wanted to believe that music isn’t everything when it comes to the criterias I look for in a human being. I’ve been friends with people with stark contrasts in their Spotify profiles, and that caused me to be an everything bagel — my topping comes from the different genres they exposed to me. I don’t want to hate someone because of their music taste, I don’t yuck someone’s yum, and I have weird playlists with songs that feel like mix-matching polka dots and tartan…
But the lack of similarity in music taste has apparently starved me in a way that I have to deep dive into dictionary and thesaurus to support my mindset. I don’t want to be seen as weird when I said that I feel oddly disconnected with people that don’t share the same music taste as me. What’s so important about that? I don’t exactly know the answer, and maybe I have to continue to find for the answer for the rest of my life.
If I write a poem in a language that you can’t understand, you’ll never get the message, and I can’t help but feel hurt because I must find a way to make you understand it. If I curate a playlist that doesn’t have your favorite genre in it, you’ll never have the urge to listen to it and see how much thought that I put into arranging it, and I’ll once again be disappointed in myself for failing to make you understand my language. If I paint something in vibrant colors when your vision is greyscale, you’ll never be able to see the real beauty behind it, and I’ll understand that all the attempts I’ve made are useless; simply because we operate with different themes of art.
My attempts — those failed attempts — are meant as my way to meet you halfway, or even build a bridge to cross the river to reach the ground you’re standing on. I just wanted to actually speak my mind to you and you would actually listen, and not being confused as if I’m talking to a cryptid.
If we listen to the same melody and you don’t immediately think of me, are our souls truly connected to begin with?
