I Am The Code!
When Louis XIV, The Sun King, was criticized for the opulence of Versailles while French peasants were starving, he famously stated, “I am the nation!” (I would butcher the French, but that’s the gist of what he said.)
When Donald J. Trump, The Sun President (in his mind), was criticized for the opulence of his Ballroom while the American people were struggling with inflation and energy costs, he ignored it. But when officials discovered that Donnie’s Ballroom violated Fire and Safety Codes, he countered that no building codes apply to White House construction. “I am the Code!” Trump said.
The original Ballroom allowed for 640 guests. It included 6’ wide exit doors on exterior walls served by 6’ wide aisleways all within 100 feet of the most remote seating in accordance with Code. All 640 guests should be able to exit within 90 seconds in case of fire. That’s required for the other 340 million Americans not named Donald J. Trump.
Donnie wanted his Ballroom to accommodate 1,300 guests. All his billionaire buddies deserve a place at the table. Donnie expanded the Ballroom’s footprint so that it was bigger than the original White House. It still wouldn’t hold 1,300. So, Donnie eliminated several fire exit doors and aisleways. He eliminated service entrances. Those servers can handle a little extra doorway traffic. He originally allowed only seven stalls in the Women’s Restroom. Seriously, Donnie? Seven stalls for as many as 600 female guests? That one was changed.
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Donnie insisted on $6 million worth of gold leaf throughout. Ladies impatiently waiting in line outside the Restroom will appreciate gold leaf in place of more stalls.
All this came at a cost. The original 640 guest Ballroom was supposed to cost $400 million and be entirely paid for by “patriots” (who aren’t looking for favors from Trump 2.0 at all). The 1300 guest Ballroom will double that with taxpayers pitching in the $400 million shortfall.
It’s unlikely that I will become a billionaire and be invited to a Trump Ballroom gala. Drinks and food will be slow due to servers colliding with each other in the few service doors. Lines will form outside the limited number of Restrooms. If a fire breaks out, the billionaires farthest from the few exits won’t make it out. The gold leaf will make up for those minor inconveniences though.
Thanks, “I am the Code!” Donnie.
By Ed Dufton
