a short walk.

Feeling the weight of life, I decided to take a walk through my neighborhood hoping to get some peace of mind. As I walked I noticed leaves on branches blowing up and down and the clouds around, soon I got lost in the world I entered. As I deviated from my common route I saw rows of houses all marked by individual mail boxes. Some houses are brown, some yellow, some brick, some shingle, roofs of varying sizes and shapes. I saw all the lives taking place inside. Growing families, messy floors, elderly couples, and scattered yards. I thought of the different stages of life my family had gone through, our house reflected change too. I continued walking and came across a particular house. It came into view. I slowed my pace and focused my gaze. My eyes were glued to the door. In a flash of visions I couldn’t differentiate from old memories or dreams. I imagined what it would be like if this house were mine. If I opened the door, looked down to take my shoes off and saw piled up shoes near the door, looked up, saw all my furniture, into the kitchen, all my cookware, I imagined closing the door. Late for coffee, eagerly rushing out, quickly saying goodbye to my family and coming home late in the night after a long day. Quietly opening the door so as to not wake anyone and doing the same while closing it. I thought of all the projects I would have completed and planned for. I thought of the smiles I would receive. I thought of the hugs, the meals, the smells, the sounds. At some point, I don’t remember how long I had been looking. But, my legs took me too far to see. I don’t know how I’d get back to this place but I wanted to go more than anything. I wanted to live this more than anything. The moment reeled me back in. I noticed everything I saw at the beginning of my walk. As if it were fresh. I reflected on the moment, looked in the distance to the particular house and everything I felt. How quickly and naturally it flowed over me. The fear of missing out on the life I want. On who I want to be. I prayed to God. That His kingdom come and his will be done. Reminding myself that all I will ever be satisfied with is the God who created me. That no far off dream would save me. I put my life into God’s hands safely where it belongs.. I made my way up, down, and around back to the place that I called home, opened the door. I felt alone after all the visions of a healthy family of my own. But I got back to work on what God had for me here. Trusting that I am loved, thought of, and cared for. My feelings of longing are not felt alone. God is with me in every moment. I prayed to be content in what I’ve been given in this world even though I feel at this moment that I am missing so much. Thank you God, Amen.