I haven’t started it.
I didn’t want to write this but I have been in a loop, projects to finish, teams to manage, wealth to build, a house to get, a laptop to buy, friends to keep, family to cater for.
What better way to live, than fully, working on the very things that make meaning to you and ad value to others. I believe this was what they said was the real essence of life and productivity?
Right?
Right?
But why is there a gaping hole, one so large I could fit Mars in it and till have room for the moon? I finish working on a project or a part of it and i am empty, devoid of any emotion, just empty.
I have found myself more idle in recent times than I ever was. What went wrong? What did I stop doing or what did I not even start at all?
Dear GOD, I learned that I can only find my purpose and the reason I am here when I learn about you. Should I go on a fast? Should I go to a prayer mountain to find you?
The who I am is not surfacing yet, I keep getting glimpses of what I could become but how do I take the first step in this journey of a thousand miles.
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I desired a mentor, I didn’t find one or was I looking in the wrong places or in the wrong ways? I tried my own way, worked for a while until the friction became a roadblock.
I desire to be a builder of Men and Multinational Businesses, a Shaper of Nations and Creator of Systems, but I can’t seem to find my way to the next day without stumbling on my own thoughts over and over again.
What do I gain from all this work? A few hundreds of thousands here and there, hit some millions a few times but that didn’t feel like the reward. I want more.
I think I might know what to do now, I might just not have the wherewithal to get it done just yet.
I will seek THE ONE from whom and for whom all things are. The Earth is HIS and the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein. In HIM I move and have my being.
I have figured out why it feels empty, I think I might just know why it feels void.
The true quest, the real reason I have desires, I haven’t started it.
