Was I Ever More Than a Friend?
I don’t know how it’s going to end but I’ll start to write from the beginning.
I met this guy online on August 2025, let’s just call him D. He’s from Northern Europe — Finland. Yes, he has blonde hair and green eyes just like the stereotype of people from Nordic countries. I thought he’s NOT like the other foreign guys who just left me on seen, did dirty things, and other negative activities just for fun. He’s different — well, this is my opinion after a year of talking.
We talked a lot on the yellow app — yes, Snapchat. Event hough Indonesians don’t use this application that much, but I use this just to connect with foreigners and improve my English. He is a guy who loves to talk on the snap, not in the room chat. I kind of disappointed cause he’s like a different person when it comes to the room chat. On the snap, he always shows his face with smiling. I remembered that Finland is the happiest country in the world for ages so that’s why I thought to myself, “Oh yeah he’s a Finn.”
We never opened to each other about our lives like one or two months of talking, but I know I was getting too caught up in whatever this was. Sooner or later, I was going to fall for him, I just knew it. At that time I was in my seventh semester at university, working on my thesis while we had been talking since August. I decided to turn my location on so he would know whenever I went out. Guess what? He did that too. He turned his location on for me. He addedme to the list of the people who could see his. I really didn’t realize it at first that he noticed my location, until we kind of had an argument at night and I decided to turn off my location. And he said “We will know if someone is mad by the location off,” I was like “HUH?! When did you realize? How did you know?”
“I knew it.” He replied.
I was so happy because that means I got his attention. That night was lowkey wonderful cause we had long conversation and we did flirty of course! It continued for quite a while, until one night when I fell asleep — mind you we had a four-hour time difference during summer. The next morning, I checked my notifications and saw that he had told me an old female friend of his had suddenly added him. My heart kind of dropped. I didn’t even try to hide the fact that I was a little jealous, so I asked, “Should I be panicking about this?”
A few hours later when he finally woke up he replied, “No there’s nothing to panic about.” I just thought to myself, “Ah, whatever. What am I supposed to do about it anyway?” So I replied, “Oh okay.” I thought he probably wouldn’t notice anything was off, but apparently he did! He went on to explain that she was really just an old friend who had added him just to say hi.
And I remember thinking, “Wait, is he scared of losing me? That’s kinda cute.” So I thought, “Okay, whatever,” and told him it was fine. Honestly, I don’t remember the exact details anymore since this happened a while ago, but I’m pretty sure it went something like that. And just like that, our little conflict was over.
I also remember one night he sent me a text in the room chat, he sent me a picture of Brazil football jersey (If I’m not mistaken) — he really loves football, and he told me that he had it from his female friend. I wondered what he had given to her then I asked, and he answered “I just gave her a bracelet, I feel bad.” Well I really didn’t expect he would give his friend (surprisingly a girl) such a tiny thing hahahah yet that means nothing, right? I just laughed but then he sent me another text.
“I have a date tomorrow.” He said.
I didn’t want to show that I was jealous so I congratulated him…really, I looked like a supportive friend…
“Wow what a disappointing answer.” He replied.
‘Oh? What is this now? He wants me to be jealous?’ I said to myself. Well I didn’t wanna lose my chance so I said the truth, “I was really shocked and cause you found a girl in your area, I can’t do anything anyway except supporting you.”
“Hahaha no, we’re just gonna hang out. She’s the girl I ever told you.” He said. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about, but it was pretty much something like that. Still…I was jealous but I decided to act like everything was fine.
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I’m pretty sure it was December and almost new year. I really tried to let him go. I really did. So the day he hung out with that girl, I decided to leave him on seen. I didn’t reply his snap, I cried in silence cause I was at home and there was my family. It was late night or morningwhen I accidentally woke up — I forgot. I had his notifications. Two snaps.
“Why u leave me?”
“U no love me anymore?”
Oh sweet Jesus, his face were so cute. I couldn’t get mad by that pretty face. I said, “No, I just let you go out with your friend.” I forgot the exact conversation but he continued to chat in our room chat.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” He asked.
“Omg are you not sleepy?” I asked.
“I am sleepy.”
“But my mom told me to solve problems with another person before bed.”
Then I explained, “You wanted to meet your female friend so I let you enjoy it, that’s it.”
“*She wanted to meet me,” He said with the * in it…
“Even if I go with my friend I will answer you whenever I have time.” He explained.
‘Oh…I can’t be mad at him by this, he’s so good and gentle.’ I was fighting with myself, with my own mind, and my heart…
Sadly I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, well yeah I did take a picture of our convo with another phone and it takes time to find it hahaha.
Actually, I just remembered one story in 2025 (last for 2025). He said on snap “My friend just got me some beers.” And i said, “She’s so lovely isn’t she?” well I was kind of sad… he said, “Yeah she is.”
I replied, “Haha.” In Indonesia, this really seems and sounds like a sarcastic laugh, right?
“She just gave me beers and then went back.” He explained… I still don’t really get it. Is it normal to explain what a girl does to a friend? I mean… did he actually see me as a friend, or was I more than a friend to him?
And maybe that was the problem. There were always little things that made me wonder if I meant more to him than just a friend. Maybe I was reading too much into everything, or maybe there really was something between us. I just didn’t know it yet. And this was only the beginning.
I never thought almost relationship could hurt this much, D.
With love,
E.
Indonesia, 13 August 2026
