Sharing Automatic Writing
What part of me is ready to be understood?
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The part of me that is ready to be understood is the side of me that loves being a father and loves being a reliable person that is also loving. Growing up I realize I didn’t receive the love I felt I needed because the people around me didn’t understand me and while I don’t blame them it still has an effect on me as an adult and I wish I could lay that out fully to understand. Mushrooms used to help me really dig deep into that person that I felt the most connected to and I want it back but I don’t want to have to do the mushrooms to get there. I want to meet my grandmother and know what kind of person she was, it bothers me that everyone got to know me as a baby but I don’t remember any of them. I remember my grand father as this cool person that was always working and never judged me but wanted me around and since he was working I was always alone anyway but I was still with him.i think about when I told him I wanted to be a tiger and I don’t exactly remember why but I trust that my inner child had his reason to for wanting to be such a majestic and powerful creature, maybe it mean that didn’t feel very powerful. Being mostly alone as a child and then growing into someone who wants to be dependable is almost poetic because instead of hating the world and people around me I instead choose to be what people need. I would like to understand who my ancestors were because I feel so spread out inside, like I come from a mix of Native American and Viking, with an Irish last name and Native American heritage from both sides. I am deciding to be someone who learns about runes I want people to understand that there is more to learn from the past than just the struggles and wrong doings. Our ancestors were much more connected to their spirit and it guided them where we make the brain to be what we listen to and while I agree it plays a role- but seeing isn’t always believing. I want it to be understood that although I am a sag I have so much Capricorn in my chart and while that grounds a lot of my energy it doesn’t allow the wild sage energy to be free. I am not someone that is easy to understand and for the people that do take the time to learn me I will always give my heart to but I also realize that I am not for everyone and I can accept that now. The part of me that is ready is the inner child that makes the choices that the adult me sometimes feels to exhausted to make, the term letting the freak flag fly is really what I mean. I love anime and I love digging into archetypes and helping people using those weird things like tarot or runes that is ANCIENT KNOWLEDGE that maybe not everyone agrees with but I have seen in so many ways add up to what my gut tells me. The part of me ready to understood is the Scarlet Sage Warrior that loves being a father, learning and exploring aspects of the mind and human experience but also loves helping people, I love fitness and being healthy in all aspects.
This little exercise surprised me because i am always in my head, just never seeing the thoughts written out like this.
