Refuse to Sell
Refuse to Sell
This is not an article about politics. I repeat. This is not an article about politics. Patience 😊.
Last Saturday morning I went for a walk with a close friend. It was one of those take your breath away gorgeous, borderline iridescent days when it feels as if the sun couldn’t be brighter or closer.
A bit about my friend: she’s in her late 70’s, is a liberal Democrat and just happened to be in a very chatty mood (i.e., it was difficult to get a word in edgewise). Since this was our first visit since the presidential inauguration, it came as no surprise that she spent the first 30+ minutes of our visit spewing lava flows of anti-Trump vitriol. Like many, I’m also feeling anxious about the future… not just here in the U.S…. but globally. Will there be a rewind to the wave of fascism that swept the world shortly after WW1, although the U.S. remained a democracy? It would be naiive to think any country is immune to fascism. I listened to my friend let loose on everything from California’s wildfire victims being denied federal disaster relief to trying to reverse the 14th amendment by executive order to the end of Affirmative Action to the denial of climate change while natural disasters keep worsening and multiplying to the growing chasm between rich and poor until maybe there will just be the rich among homeless thieves, etc., etc., etc.
Not very long ago I used to believe that I’d be gone by the time the worst of climate change turned earth into an apocalyptic nightmare, with survivalists living in underground bunkers and only surfacing to kill each other for food. What I didn’t factor in was that this could all play out way sooner.
And then my friend made an abrupt turn without signaling. She began talking about how wonderful Trump is. Did I hear that correctly? Yep. She went from frowning to smiling as she spoke about how because of Trump her already wealthy son made a recent stock market killing which enabled him to not only pay off the mortgage on his McMansion, but to retire a multi-millionaire at the ripe old age of 50. She said how excited, happy and relieved she felt knowing if she ran out of money in her old age he’d take care of her in style. And since my friend could be the poster child for “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” that could easily happen.
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On any other day, my normal reaction to a friend sharing their good news would be to join them in a happy dance. Instead, I felt anger bubble up. Could she not see how incredibly entitled and hypocritical she was being? For a while I simmered on silent until I could no longer keep a lid on it and said, “You know, you’re either Team Trump or you’re not. Choose.”
As I drove home, still simmering, I reflected on our visit. What was so damn triggering about it for me? I love my friend. Shouldn’t I just be happy for her? What did it matter if she was behaving the way she was? That was up to her to decide. Besides, I’m well aware that the human package can often be a bewilderingly stockpile of contradictions making hypocrites of us all… to some degree …whether we admit it or not. Then it hit me. It wasn’t about politics. Nor was it about my friend. It was what I can only describe as a crushing grief. Have we so lost our way that we’re willing to sell our soul for a hot dog?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt like a stranger in a simultaneously familiar yet strange land. I wasn’t raised by American parents. I’ve also lived abroad and traveled a lot. Straddling clashing values is nothing new for me. It’s just that recently the American values I’ve struggled with have gotten worse. Way worse. Especially the overemphasis on money and consumption, often to the exclusion of health and well-being. Individualism has not only been taken to an entitled extreme where the cost is isolation and loneliness, but individualism is a myth we’ve also bought. Human beings simply cannot exist without each other.
In America we value positivity. This is a good thing. However, it becomes problematic when we aren’t able to challenge the cultural norm that the “negative” emotions such as grief, sadness and fear are not only as necessary as the “positive” ones, but are frowned upon and stigmatized. No wonder we have such high rates of disease. It then becomes too easy to forget we’re all connected and whatever we think, say and do matters because it affects everyone and everything. All too easy to forget that each of us has something valuable to contribute that’s unrelated to our chronological age. All too easy to forget that serving nature rather than getting in her way benefits us all.
Although life’s many bumps and bruises have turned me more cynical with age, at heart I remain an idealist and optimist. Just as one can’t build a new house on a rotten foundation, the old must be demolished to make way for the new. I believe we’re living in an era of epic undoing…what some eastern spiritual faiths refer to as the age of darkness and ignorance. But this darkness and ignorance, this undoing, is necessary to get us back on track. We need this cosmic kick in the ass to wake up.
It’s becoming more and more important to make our time worth our time; to embrace our authenticity and hold tight to our personal integrity regardless of what anyone else may think. To come from our hearts rather than from our minds. To shine our light into these darkening times in whatever way feels right, but to keep it shining. For some, that may be in a private and quiet way, such as prayer or meditation or contemplation. For others it may be in a more public way. For example, a friend in Croatia recently told me the Croatian people mobilized a nationwide strike to protest surging prices. They did this via Facebook. The strike did, in fact, take place last Friday, January 24th. The day of the strike she sent me photos of empty grocery store aisles. Wow! Although Croatia is a small country, this is still pretty damn impressive. It’s too soon to say how successful their efforts will be. And there will no doubt be more strikes to come. Regardless, it’s a testament to what can happen when people ditch the myth that they’re powerless.
Although no two journeys are ever the same, we all can relate to the human condition. We all can relate to the stuff that comes with this human package. We’re not only way more similar than we realize, but we’re never truly alone….even in the dark times when we’ve convinced ourselves nobody could possibly understand. Besides, whatever we happen to be experiencing in this particular moment will change anyway. What matters is that we resist being hijacked by the dark times ahead. What matters is that we befriend that part of us that’s remained the same throughout our lives. It’s priceless. Refuse to sell.
