Unwritten Rule

Martha kibuthu

2 min read

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Jul 4, 2026

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u never know how deep-rooted a societal rule is until you find yourself pushing against it. That’s what dawned on me last weekend when I hosted about ten ladies for fellowship and "swallowship." It’s an afternoon we all look forward to — but this one turned out different because of the conversation that unfolded.
It started with the introductions, since we had a new member joining us. As each lady introduced herself, one thing stood out: instead of saying "my name is Martha," they identified themselves by their motherhood — "Mama John," for instance. I don’t blame them. It’s a rule they found already in place, and they embraced it.
When it was my turn, I stood up and introduced myself by my full name. That made a few of them — especially the new member — curious. One of them asked, "Do you have kids?" "Yes," I answered. "What are their names?" I told her. Then she said, "So I can call you Mama X?" I said no — and that’s when it turned into a real conversation. Another lady asked, "Martha, tell us why you don’t like being identified by your children."
Let me clear that up: I love my kids, and I’ll always acknowledge them — they’re a huge part of my life. But they are not my identity. I tried to explain that a woman isn’t any less of a mother, or any less loving, just because she isn’t called "Mama X." And choosing to go by your own name doesn’t strip you of any motherhood privileges. It was a conversation I wasn’t quite ready for, and honestly, I didn’t expect it to get as deep as it did.
My take is this: every African woman has the right to build her own world, regardless of what society thinks or says. I chose to build mine on my own terms.
What’s an unspoken rule society has placed on you that you don’t agree with? Share it in the comments 😉