The Better Part
Why is it important to be a Mary?
The noted writer on religion, Karen Armstrong, once said that we create our own “canon within a canon” and it is true. The Bible that is sitting on the desk beside me, weighs in at a hefty 1777 pages and yet, of all that content, certain stories or sections resonate more powerfully than others, and one story in particular keeps returning to me. It is only a short episode, and it is contained within the Gospel of Luke, taking up only four verses of the tenth chapter. And it relates to when Jesus visited the house of two sisters: Martha and Mary:
“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38–42
One of my earliest spiritual essays, On Clouds and Daemons, was focussed on this episode and its interpretation in the 14th century mystical tract ‘The Cloud of Unknowing’. I wrote than in March 2022 and, three months later, it inspired a second piece, A Morning Walk with Martha and Mary. Both of them looked at the interpretation that Martha and Mary represent two spiritual paths — the active life and the contemplative life. Martha, with her worldly concerns and focus on practicalities, is living the active life; Mary with her interest in holy teachings and silent devotion is living the contemplative. In other words, Martha and Mary are all of us. Part of us pulls towards the practicalities of life, the other part towards prayer, meditation, and contemplation.
All of which is well and good. That describes why the two are different and why both are necessary. However, the other day as I was sat meditating in the sauna (my go-to place for spiritual reflection) I realised that whilst difference was explained by this approach, what is not touched upon is why Mary has “the better part”.
Or in other words, why is it better, more beneficial, more worthwhile, to engage in contemplation than action?
And that question is not so easy to answer.
Back in 2023 I wrote an essay based on Camino and how it worked for me as a way of facing my deepest fears. Through writing the essay, I realised that all of us have fears and spend a greater part of our lives avoiding them, running from them, or simply pretending that they are not there. Some time ago, a friend of mine suddenly upped and left and went to live in Malaysia, starting a new life with a new name and faith. When we chatted, I had one question: What are you running from? He was surprised. “How do you know?” was his response. “Because you wouldn’t have made such a drastic change otherwise,” I’d retorted. We explored things and it turned out that he had had a tough time in the UK before moving. I stressed to him, that running was not necessarily a bad strategy. Sometimes we need to put some distance between us and our traumas. After my final year of university when my dad was killed and the girl that I loved married someone else, I literally did what my mate did and ran away to Japan. It was the best thing I could have done. I started afresh and became a better person. But at the same time, one cannot run forever. Fears, if not faced, multiply and haunt you. So, years later, I returned to where I’d attended to university (and where she still lives), sought counselling over dad’s death and reached out to the girl. Fear is massive and, despite how many carpets we brush it under, the stench will always linger unless we come at it with the bleach and the scrubbing brush.
Which brings me back to Martha and Mary.
What is Martha doing? She is working, one assumes cooking and cleaning, making sure that the laws of hospitality are being fulfilled so that her august guest is comfortable. The society that she lives in dictates that one should be welcoming and so she is fulfilling that requirement.
In short, she is doing her duty.
Duty is important. I know for it dictates much of my life. I do my duty to my employer by turning up for work, obeying their policies and procedures and promoting their message even when I don’t wholeheartedly agree with it. That though, is slightly different. After all, if I didn’t, they could discipline me and, if it got serious enough, fire me. And I need the money so being fired is something I wish to avoid.
It is transactional.
One could argue that Martha is in a similar position. She is fulfilling the obligations of hospitality because if she does not, she will be judged harshly by her community or peers. And perhaps this is so, but it may not be the entire story.
As well as my work duties, I perform familial ones. Taking my goddaughter to her cricket matches and football practice, helping my ageing mum with her hospital appointments and so on. I do these things because I care for these people or, to put it another way, because of love. Martha too could be acting out of love. Jesus is a friend and so why wouldn’t she want to do the best for him, see him happy and comfortable? Similarly, when she is trying so hard to please him, then is it not understandable when she sees her sister slacking and so admonishes her so that she too, can help make their beloved teacher as comfortable as possible?
Maybe.
And both of which are not bad at all. Remember, Jesus never condemns Martha. He is not saying do not commit actions out of either duty or love. Instead, all he does is assert that Mary has “the better part.”
But why?
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Because righteous and godly though actions might be, we can lose ourselves in them. I am never so pious and helpful as when I have an assignment to finish. Why? Because I will find every excuse not to do it and so, should a friend come round needing a helping hand, then, well, I’m your man.
Duty, the active life, can be an avoidance strategy.
Martha, whilst she is working, maybe is avoiding some of the things that are much harder to face. Such as the truly thinking about the direction her life is heading in, her relationship with God and — noting how she talks to her sibling — her relationships with family and friends. She may often be short-tempered, stressed, plagued with anxiety or depression but, if she keeps herself busy, then no one can criticise her, she can push those demons to the back of the cupboard and, if someone were to confront her on her attitude or issues, she can deflect the attack with evidence of her dutiful nature.
Which is good… to a point. But, like running away to Malaysia or Japan, whilst it may soothe or numb, it does not heal.
Mary, on the other hand, is in a different place.
She is seated, quite literally, at the feet of the Master. She is surrounded by His presence and His words are unavoidable. What is he saying? Well, we are not told the specifics of that conversation, but we can guess. We know the fundamentals of his message:
“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Luke 10:38–42
In short, she has nowhere to hide be that physically, mentally or spiritually. In a congregation (or a Zoom meeting with the camera and mic turned off), we can listen half-heartedly. But speaking one-to-one in a room with the Master Himself who is omniscient, then she cannot help but listen fully, be vulnerable and transparent, and be heard completely.
In our lives, perhaps the closest thing to sitting at Christ’s feet as Martha did is deep prayer and meditation which is why the anonymous author of ‘The Cloud of Unknowing’ identified Martha with the contemplative life. Now, I am not the best at prayers nor the most proficient meditator, but what I can say from my experience on pilgrimages, retreats and at home is this:
When you are truly contemplating, completely “in the zone”, there is no place to hide.
You cannot run, lie, evade or throw up the barricades. Instead, you see things as they are, however painful that might be.
It happened to me on Camino. On my very first day, I had an intense experience that taught me about my deep-seated fear of dependency. Later on in my walk, I learned other lessons, such as reorientating my life to befriend more women, facing my physical fitness demons and countering my tendency to be a completist, rushing to tick the box rather than savouring the journey.
I am not a monk, nor even a priest. Most of my life is acted out as Mary. I sort the kids out, help my friends with their issues, organise events for work, do my charity work, edit a magazine for a local railway society, support my mum and turn up at gatherings where you know people would be offended if you didn’t.
But every so often I stop and take some time out. Perhaps a few days in the monastery or a trip to a local shrine or, ideally, a walk to Santiago, Rome or Jerusalem. And there, I put Martha away and bring out Mary. Some might call this selfish, but I do not. It is something that I both want and need to do. In short, it is not a luxury but, in my opinion, essential for both survival and growth as a spiritual being. I have seen what happens to people who never allow themselves to be Mary and instead are always a Martha.
And that is how I know, with certainty, that Mary has the better part.
Written 28/05/2024–19/06/2024,
Draycott-en-le-Moors & Smallthorne, UK
Copyright © 2024, Matthew E. Pointon
[1] Image taken from the Mystique of Magdalene Oracle Cards by Cheryl Yambrach Rose. These cards celebrate Mary Magdalene (possibly the same Mary in the Gospel story, maybe not; it is unclear) and the legends that surround her life after the death and resurrection of Christ when she is said to have travelled to France bearing his seed. I bought a set of these in Glastonbury in 2023 and have found them to be very helpful when exploring spiritual questions.
