Undoings
my ex left me, finally, against her will
as she would have much rather that I ended things
went so far as to launch a dual headed campaign
of indifference and cruelty
at least as much as she was capable of, which was
in all honesty, a paltry yet noticeable amount
meant to break her hold on me, to make ‘us’
an impossibility
but at that time, in that space, equipped with my heart
nothing short of the monstrosity found in German fables
would have caused me to leave her
so, when it became clear that I was stuck to the hull of her ship
she scraped me off, electronically, sending a text
words on a small screen, ending a three year romance
done, a thing in motion ground down to a halt
in such times you discover that music is merely noise
packaged inside of time, jangly and intrusive
the sun is just a hot ball of cancer, a constant threat
hovering over us like a carelessly held sword
dogs are far too cloying, cats have no warrant for their aloofness
uncovering unpleasant truths about yourself
an ignobility that you had wished to remain hidden forever
so you might enter the afterlife with your delusions intact
people will tell you, the ones who can tolerate your presence
a person who is at that time, basically an exposed, raw, nerve
those people will tell you about time, the healing applications it has
time as healing? time, the force that saps your strength, leeches
beauty and desire, that force that kills stars, the light we see
in those summer nights, has lost its origin point, now
as it travels past, just a celestial orphan, whose death pangs
we marvel at foolishly, when the pollution is lessened
time will heal you or kill you, either way, over it you will get
live long enough and your brain will rot inside your skull, you
might have memories but it will be a cast of strangers entering
like sneakthieves inside of your cranium
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my ex left me wishing upon me endless, enduring happiness
nothing would make her happier than me finding a good woman
for me to be content, here I should state that she, my ex
was not a native English speaker, and her culture was never strong
on irony, nuance was a puzzlement
their comedians were of the pratfall, exaggerated motions, variety
thus she did not grasp that for me to be happy, she would have to remain
in time, she married a man approved of by her warring parents
the nuptials allowed her to escape the demands of her father
whose wife refused to share a city, let alone a house, with him
my ex would then use her own husband’s infidelity
as a key to unlock the doors of her own marriage
and suddenly she was single, middle aged, unmarried
living in a country that did not like any of those three situations
say nothing about the combination of two or more
I wonder if she is happy there now, shoulder against the culture
carving out a space for life on her own terms
I wish it upon her, the same boundless happiness she once
long ago, when we were different people, being destroyed
by time and gravity, caught in entropy, had wished
as a sort of parting benediction, for me
and
I wish her far better luck in finding it
