Arrange Marriage Is Scary, What If?
It’s so easy to read and say “To err is human, to forgive divine”. But some scars are so deep that to attain the divinity, forgiveness doesn’t come from within. I agree that as humans, we are bound to make mistakes, but mistakes committed to hurt someone are equal to sin. Well, I don’t want to sound so harsh, but yeah some experiences leave deep scars.
Holy shit! I witnessed something that made me more uncomfortable being a girl than ever. One of my acquaintances shared a personal experience of her as a prospective bride. It was a short meeting with the family that she came across as a big blunder. That story gave me chills and expressions of disgust that I wouldn’t want anyone else to experience. I cannot share the whole story here but things can be understood lately.
Can anyone imagine in a 21st-century modern era, someone being so peculiar about the looks of a person considered to be the ultimate parameter of judgment?
It took me about a month to gulp down the incident narrated to me… How mean the world can be, was explained in one act of shame. A girl/boy is being judged for her/his looks, and physical appearance, which is natural.
Imagine, a girl being asked to remove her slippers and show how long or short she is. Imagine asking her to keep stuff on her head and walk showing the balancing act. Or can you beat this by asking her what she can cook and the exact measure and quantity of ingredients, telling her to be perfect with the shape and size of every food item?
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I am sure imagining this would be so difficult and horrific in the present time. So, imagine if this has already happened to someone. Why is arrange marriage getting scary with time? Why has it become so difficult to find the right partner? With the onset of matrimonial websites, presumably seeing a partner was easy, but with time, it’s getting dark. The more you dive into it, the more reality checks you will get.
The last time I came up with this writing piece, one year back, I was consumed with this process and it was fun and disgusting parallelly. But within one year, I have come across many personal experiences and heard stories of others too. There are bizarre experiences of people, some dealing with toxicity, some with breach of trust, and some with violation of personal space. The only thing that hasn’t changed in this one year is the constant repetition of the same dialogue from my parents “Shaadi kab karogi? Kab milega ladka?”
Well, I wasn’t much scared of getting to know about my appraisal than I am about figuring out the right person (a family too, because that actually matters).
This concept of arrange marriage has nothing ‘arranged’ in it. Everywhere there is chaos. But still, we call it arranged, I do not know why. I guess because life is going to be busy arranging insecurities, discomfort, and unlikeliness of each other.
Well, there might be sounds of hatred in my writing, but I don’t mean it. It’s just a rant process hoping to see some change in this process.
The only concern is people (be it men/women) in their late 20s and early 30s being a participant in this arrange marriage process needs to be quite sensible.
It’s a message for all the people seeing someone and looking for a prospective partner:
Life is too short to carry grudges. Before finding faults in others, one needs to look inside himself/ herself. It’s so easy to break someone into pieces but too difficult to join those pieces and encourage one to go ahead. Sensibility and empathy, are the two rare things on this earth that need to be grown eventually. Making someone feel vulnerable and inferior is not what humans do. It’s an attribute of beasts. So, make this process exciting by giving a pinch of empathy and scattering happiness around you. In this chaotic world full of stress and pressure, a sentence of care and comfort can be soothing for someone. So, don’t just be a thorn in someone’s life, try becoming a petal.
I think gyaan more than this can be overflowing, so let me put a purn viram to my words, with a hope that yes, 1% change to ye duniya bhi deserve karti hai yaar. I am taking leave as my last piece of mango is waiting (adding sweetness to my life). Kal se wahi gaana fir se “Shadi kab?”
Let’s see if there happens to be Part 3 or if I get to see my ‘Jeevansathi’.
P.S. Life is getting too dark, more than my dark circles. But to swipe matrimonial profiles while having choco lava is an ultimate feeling (wink), crazy me….!!!!
