Flipped
I read ‘Flipped’ by Wendelin Van Draanen when I was in the 8th grade. I was in the throes of clinical depression, miserable, and fresh out of a friend group breakup. This was the most difficult year of my life. I am so grateful for the school library and young adult books like this one. Though it’s not listed in my memoir, this book helped shape my character. Two notable quotes: “One’s character is set at an early age. I’d hate to see you swim so far out you can’t swim back,” “Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss, but every once in a while you find someone who’s iridescent, and once you do, nothing will ever compare,” — Bryce’s grandfather Chet.
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Bryce could have easily become a jerk like his Dad. His Dad is a prime example of toxic masculinity in the book and film. But Bryce’s grandpa, Chet, who embodies positive masculinity, reached him at an ideal time: during middle school. Chet’s influence led Bryce and his family to befriend the Bakers. Chet’s influence also led to Bryce finally seeing Julie for who she is and falling in love with her. There is nothing more romantic to me than a story in which a girl or woman has a huge crush on/loves a boy or man and it just annoys him…until it doesn’t. Until he catches feelings and starts liking/loving her back. Flipped is exactly that story.
What makes Flipped stand out is that Bryce does not particularly like Julie until he realizes how special she is. He doesn’t date her or like her because she is the “hottest” or most popular girl in school. In fact, dating her hurt Bryce’s reputation in school: it led to a friend breakup with his jerk former best friend. Bryce takes that risk and a leap of faith because he truly likes Julie: he wants to hear her talk, wants to know what she thinks, wants to know what interests her. He wants to hear her voice and her opinions on stuff because he enjoys being around her. The only reason Bryce likes Julie is because he fell in love with her personality. Once Bryce liked Julie’s personality, he fell in love with her, and this shifted his view of her so that she became beautiful to him. I’ve seen a couple of guys explain that this is how love/attraction works for them. When they are in love, their partner becomes the most beautiful person in the world. Once they fall out of love, their partner is not as beautiful to them anymore.
Before Bryce falls in love with Julie and stands up for himself and her, he is a coward. Just like his father, and #yesallmen. He lets other people’s opinions keep him small and he does mean things to appease his jerk best friend. He never stands up for himself, just goes with whatever others say or do. When Garrett makes fun of Julie at her disabled Uncle’s expense, Bryce gets mad and wants to punch him. But instead, he just laughs and agrees with him. When his Dad insults Julie’s tree, Bryce wants to say something but he’s too afraid to counter his Dad. Julie rightfully calls Bryce a coward for his actions and lack thereof. Then Bryce, a boy, gains courage that most men don’t even have. “I didn’t care what my Dad or Garrett think. I liked Julie Baker,” — Bryce. “Hey, have you flipped?! What’s the matter with you?!”- Garrett to Bryce. The use of the word flipped here is a call back to the book title and its first sentence: “the first time I saw Bryce Loski, I flipped,” — Julie. Bryce flipped when he realized that he likes Julie back. Though his cowardly Dad and jerk friend make fun of Julie and her family, Bryce doesn’t care. He doesn’t let peer pressure bully him out of a satisfying, loving relationship. And the inability to do this is the downfall of #yesallmen. Men seem to be living for what others think, social status, and society’s negative values. They often don’t like the personalities of their partners because it is all for show, or what that partnership can get them.
Our society places a premium on Western beauty standards and devalues personality/character entirely. Having a good personality is a running joke on women, and is often used as a euphemism to say a woman is ugly or unattractive. This is why heterosexual partnerships are often shallow, unsatisfying, and obligatory. Men in particular are discouraged from dating women based on their personalities or women who don’t fit Western beauty standards. If men partner with women that aren’t the beauty standard whom they like looks-wise, personality-wise, etc., they run the risk of being made fun of for it. Clearly, men are impressionable, weak, and cowardly if they allow this fear to control them and their lives. But it looks like that’s the way the cookie crumbles. For those of us who are straight women: may God help us. May we only entertain males that have courage and good character.
