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Stop Praising Resilience
Survival is the Floor, Not the Ceiling
Don’t talk to me about resilience. Talk to me about why things are so messed up that being resilient is my only option.
We love to celebrate resilience. It is a buzzword. It is trending. It is discussed in commencement speeches, workplace trainings, and social media memes. We call it a virtue and a strength. It is the superpower that separates those who thrive from those who dwell in the past.
We get excited to discuss resilience, but we often overlook a more pressing issue. Why is resilience necessary in the first place?
When you tell me I’m resilient, you are subconsciously acknowledging that I survived something I shouldn’t have had to endure. We do not use the word resilient to describe someone who has overcome illness or the loss of a loved one. We use the word to describe someone who has been harmed in a way that should not be a natural part of the human experience. While resilience can grow in safe places, that is not where it is needed. Instead, resilience is born out of pressure, pain, and trauma. Strangely, to praise my resilience without questioning the conditions that required it is like admiring the wound instead of stopping the bleeding.
