Body Language and My Everyday Encounters with It
For about 4–5 years, I’ve been researching body language and micro-expressions, reading books in this field and taking notes on my observations. Let’s get straight to the point. One situation I generally encounter while working at reception is when guests say they want to cancel because some things in the room are dirty or don’t look like the photos, but usually this is simply because they’ve found a cheaper hotel. In these situations, I can tell the problem is that the guest recoils while saying the room is dirty and makes eye contact. Based on my long experience and knowledge, and putting aside the myth that we avoid eye contact when lying, I can say the opposite: looking into someone’s eyes is the opposite, because they are internally testing whether we believe the lie they are telling us. Also, recoiling indicates that they want to quickly end the conversation, but of course, we cannot deduce that it’s a lie from these two signs alone. A one-sided shrug can sometimes indicate uncertainty or indecision, but it’s not reliable on its own. One behavior you might notice, especially in men, is puffing out their chest while simultaneously touching the back of their neck. This is rare because one instance might be a calming touch due to stress, while the other might be an attempt to appear authoritative and superior. However, when this happens, especially when hands go to the back of the neck, head, or nose, it usually means they don’t trust what they’re saying, and the information they’re providing might indicate stress, anxiety, discomfort, or overthinking. These are suspicious behaviors.
In job interviews, I’ve noticed that people usually analyze me after asking questions, but when I ask questions, they lean back, adjust their posture, or pretend to look at a screen or play with papers, as if they’re uncomfortable. In my experience, some people seemed to perceive it this way. Generally, when they have little work experience, if you pay attention to their facial expressions, you’ll see a slight upward tilt of the lip when talking about work; this is a sign of condescension. In such situations, you can speak confidently, even sitting more upright if necessary, to create the impression that you are an individual here.
Another point I want to mention is disgust. We usually recognize disgust by a combination of these movements. Withdrawal, leaning back, narrowing eyes, nose wrinkling or twitching. When we withdraw, we want to distance ourselves from the subject. Similarly, narrowing or momentarily closing the eyes indicates that we want to ignore or avoid the subject, because logically, when you do this, you can think of yourself as not wanting to see the subject. Nose wrinkling and twitching are very common in world language and you can understand them immediately.
We’ve talked so much about the face, but body language isn’t always about the face.
Our feet are also very important. If the feet are within sight, pay attention to the following while talking:
Which way are the feet turned? If one is looking at you and the other at the door, the person doesn’t feel comfortable and wants to end the conversation or leave.
Pulling the feet under a chair or armchair may be due to embarrassment or stress, as this is also a movement to hide ourselves. You can think of it like an ostrich hiding its head. In fact, when people are embarrassed, they generally look down and their heads droop to a certain extent, which is like the ostrich method; we try to hide ourselves. If your upper body is leaning forward and your feet are facing you, it means you are interested in the topic and in them. Generally, on a first date, people tend to lean back and cross their arms (this is a defensive stance because they are uncomfortable).
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Of course, this doesn’t always mean defensiveness; the person might be cold, sitting comfortably, or it could be a habit — it’s always important to analyze these possibilities. If your body is leaning towards the table, listening and looking at your facial expressions, it means you are interested in the topic; if I see this from a distance, I’ll be happy for that couple.
When you sit down, make sure there’s nothing on the table in front of you. If the topic you’re discussing bothers them, you’ll see them placing things like cigarette packs, keys, drinks, or napkin holders there. Avoid these things because they’re building a wall, meaning they don’t agree with you on the topic and are becoming defensive. Of course, it’s not just this; we also need to analyze if there’s any narrowing or leaning back. Generally, when we’re happy, the corners of our lips droop towards our eyes; this is true happiness, and wrinkles appear around our eyes. If you want to tell if someone is faking a smile, just look at these two things: usually, the teeth are barely visible, the lips are pursed, and there are no wrinkles around the eyes. Leg shaking is generally considered a sign of stress, but we can also see it when we’re excited about something. Taping our feet indicates a high level of excitement or emotion, just like jumping while dancing.
Rubbing your hands together is generally a sign of stress because it’s a calming gesture. Similarly, opening your palms with intertwined fingers signifies “I’m in charge, I’m listening, I’m serious,” and leaning against a table, coffee table, or reception desk with wide arms indicates “I’m comfortable here, this is my space,” and asserting ownership. Another calming gesture is stroking the neck; in women, this often involves playing with their hair and stroking the neck (the shinbone above the chest). Stroking our neck calms us because we’re touching the nerves there. For example, when I lost my grandmother, I told my mother to stroke her neck while she was crying breathlessly. At first, she didn’t listen, but after 10 seconds, I could tell she was relieved from her eyes and breathing.
There’s also a common urban legend that playing with one’s hair is a Hollywood effect, but while this isn’t scientifically proven, it’s not entirely false either. While sometimes interpreted as flirtatious behavior, playing with one’s hair can also be done to relieve stress, as a habit, or for relaxation. Therefore, it shouldn’t be considered solely a sign of interest. Placing hands on the stomach or placing objects like bags there is also a defensive tactic. When we don’t feel safe, we tend to put our hand on our stomach or place objects like bags there to create a barrier. Women generally place their hand near their abdomen, while men place it near their genital area.
When we are scared, our eyes and mouths usually open slightly. We can observe this clearly.
In mocking glances, we observe a squint under the eyes and a slight upward movement of one side of the lip.
Regarding whether our eyes look to the right or left, this is entirely an urban legend. However, there are situations where we can observe this.
Generally, when lying, our voice decibel level increases, and we pause briefly before lying or repeat the same word, looking directly into the other person’s eyes expecting confirmation. Of course, some people’s voice tone can change under stress, but as I said, we can attribute the stress to that. Be careful not to do this, as these signs may raise suspicion, but they are not proof of lying on their own. Some people start blinking more than usual when lying, or they stop blinking excessively; careful analysis is needed to notice these signs.
Also, playing with your hands is a gesture that supports lying because it’s a calming gesture; playing with your hands can be an indicator of stress. However, stress doesn’t only stem from lying.
Of course, to do what I’ve described, you need to focus not just on your eyes, face, or hands, but on your entire body simultaneously. After a while, you will do these things consciously or unconsciously. The best thing I can recommend is to watch series like The Mentalist and Lie to Me, read books by authors like Joe Navarro, watch videos by authors like Joe Navarro, and reinforce what you know by taking notes, as I am doing now. If you force yourself and try to focus, you will generally make mistakes. Therefore, you should first remain calm and focus on the task at hand. The behaviors described in this article alone do not provide definitive results. When evaluating body language, the person’s normal behavior (baseline), the environment they are in, and the behaviors observed together should be taken into consideration.
Thank you.
Mete Bulut
Source:
Joe Navarro — What Every BODY Is Saying
Paul Ekman — Emotions Revealed
Desmond Morris — Bodytalk
Joe Navarro — Body Language
The Mentalist
Lie To Me
