What is Self — Compassion?
“Self-compassion is a technique for refilling our emotional reserves. Self-compassion enables us to replenish our personal stores so that we have more to give to people in need rather than becoming depleted by helping others” Kristen Neff.
Self-compassion entails treating oneself with the same consideration and kindness we’d show a loved one. It asks, “How can I soothe and care for myself now? This is difficult right now.”
Difference between Self — Esteem and Self — Compassion
Most often, “self-esteem” and “self-compassion” are used interchangeably. However,
Self-esteem involves achievement, and self-compassion is about acceptance.
Self-esteem speaks about a competitive mentality, and self-compassion talks about a caring mentality.
Is Self — Compassion selfish?
Self-compassion isn’t selfish — You cannot pour from an empty cup. It would be best to put on your oxygen mask first; only then can you help others. A mother can think of spending time alone without her kids, which does not make her selfish, and it only means that she is taking care of herself so that she can take care of her children.
Self-compassion makes you weak — Research shows that self-compassion is a powerful tool for coping and resilience instead of a sign of weakness.
Self-compassion will make me complacent — We wrongly believe we will not progress or experience growth if we engage in self-compassion. We also believe that we if don’t criticize ourselves, we will not live up to the standards that we have set. Self-compassion helps us maintain confidence and nurture ourselves, and it helps us focus on learnings from mistakes and encourages a growth mindset.
How can Self — Compassion transform you?
Self — Compassion helps us -
Deal with difficult emotions
Boosts happiness
Reduces stress
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Builds resilience
Build healthy relationships
Improves body image
The chemicals of care — Oxytocin
Increased oxytocin levels increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, and connectedness.
Reduces fear and anxiety
How do you practice Self — Compassion?
Check-in with yourself once a day — Like we check the battery of our mobile phones, we must also check in with ourselves at regular intervals. We can ask, “How am I feeling in my body right now?” or “Am I breathing?”
Converse with yourself as you would with a loved one — Would you call your loved one “a loser,” “a failure,” or “good for nothing”? If not, you must refrain from using such language, even for yourself. When faced with a challenging situation, imagine a loved one — a sister, a partner, a friend and ask yourself what you would have said to this person if they were in a similar situation.
When you are upset, imagine comforting your younger self — Inner child work is crucial in therapy. Bring a photograph of yourself as a child and imagine relaxing with that child. You can talk to or write a letter to that inner child.
Get rid of the “shoulds” and “musts.” These two words put so much pressure on us. Replace them with “want.” For instance, replace “I should go for a walk with “I want to go for a walk” or “I should start reading” with “I want to read.” It just tones down the language and comes from willingness. It helps you take small steps.
Ten things I love about myself: This task is more complicated than it seems. We are wired to look at our negativities first, and it is equally important to know what we love about ourselves is equally important. Every night before bed, write down three things you love about yourself. Now, these are not things you love doing, such as cooking or dancing. This is a list of what you love about your personality, e.g., “I love my hair,” “I love that I am honest,” or “I love that I like learning new things.”
Comfort your body — Eat healthily. Sleep well. Any physical activity for 30 minutes every day helps us boost our mood. Taking small, little steps every day helps us form healthy habits.
Learning to be compassionate towards oneself is a skill.
Self-compassionate people are gentle to themselves when hurting, reducing their anxiety and depression levels.
