Bored and Alone
The last few weeks have been the first time I have really been on my own in a long, long time. It is so damn tough, I can’t imagine how I managed all these years.
Having this one person who is only for you is a powerful thing, but it also takes away all of your power. It makes you so dependent on the other person that you just can’t be with yourself alone.
In just moments of the void, my thoughts are plagued by his and all our little memories. Just having someone all the time at arm’s length was such comfort I did not realize at the time.
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But, come to think of it, it was not the person but the position. I read somewhere that one can have many soulmates who need not necessarily be romantic love connections. But they truly are soulmates in the sense that they complement your soul and come into your life at the time you need them. They stick around till they serve their purpose and then just so quietly disappear.
So, would it be wrong to think that he was a soulmate? But there is not an ounce of doubt in the fact that we were so destined to meet. Everything fell into place so crazily that it is almost unreal. He entered my life with a purpose to help me learn about myself and support me on this journey. And he did perform this task beautifully.
Living on my own for the last year has helped me understand who I am and what I want. And let me be so clear that I was shocked to find myself. I am not who I always thought I was. I was living as a rendition of the societal no-family expectation. Honestly, even today I am living the same way, I am a part of someone else’s story. But at least now I know what I want my story to be and how I want it to turn out. This constant gaze on morality, judgment, right, and wrong has stopped me from being my true self. To people that are close to me, these statements would be such a shock because they already think I am outrageous and living on my own terms. They have no idea what I really want.
It is just a matter of time before I can open my wings and fly. I have been so ready for so long, but my journey of freedom is taking way too much time to begin. But I am determined to live freely and live big.
This is going to happen to me, and when it does, there will be no looking back.
