Faith
My mother said I was a colicky baby. Now, I’m a colicky adult — I don’t cry much but am anxious a lot. I recall being scared of the teacher calling on me, getting my report card, talking to girls, the SAT, when I have to present at work, getting married, the amniocentesis, financial stuff, when loud-’n-prouders don’t realize how overconfident they are, and doctor’s appointments.
Well, I was in the dentist’s waiting room and found myself less nervous than I thought I’d be. Could it be the Muzak? Easy-listening from like back in the 50s. I asked, “Hey Siri? What song is this?” It said, “A Summer Place by the Percy Faith Orchestra.”
When I got home, I googled “Percy Faith’s most calming songs:” A Summer Place, Theme for Young Lovers, Song from the Moulin Rouge, Delicado, and Swedish Rhapsody.
I made a mixtape of them and, on my block’s forum, invited my neighbors plus some friends to a “house concert” where I’d play the recordings, interspersed with champagne and hors d’ oeuvres.
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Only one person showed up, a woman who must be 90. It confirmed how out-of-step my musical taste is.
I tried one more thing. I go to a cafe every morning and the only thing I don’t like about the place is that the baristas play wailing, pumping, or stoner music, and loud!
I waited until the friendliest of the baristas was on duty and asked, “There’s this music I’ve fallen in love with — I’ve got a mixtape of it. Would you might plugging my iPhone into your system’s dock?”
She did, and after just a few seconds of “A Summer Place,” she said, “They don’t even play that on Muzak any more. The only people who like that music are dead,” and she played a wailer.
I slunk back to my seat, put my headphones on, pressed play, and exhaled.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko admits to liking Percy Faith. He is a career and personal coach, and author of 36 books including Starving Artists. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com
