Can I Stay With You?
A thought experiment
After a typical long day as a social worker, I opened my car door, decided I was warm, took off my jacket, and got in. I didn’t realize that one of my clients, with her three-year-old, had followed me from the office and while I was putting my jacket on, snuck into the back seat and hid on the floor.
When I reached home, as I walked to the door, I heard her following me. I turned and she said, “I don’t have a place to stay. You are nice. Can my son and I stay with you?”
My first thought was, “The rules prohibit that.” But then, four thoughts went through my mind.
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I say yes and it turned out well. We become friends, I mentor the child who thus does better in school, and I feel good about having practiced what I preach, that is, urging generosity to have-nots.
I say yes and it turned out poorly. I soon get tired of the loss of privacy and the increased demand for my attention. I politely ask them to leave, offering to help them find housing. They delay and delay and, only after four months, move out.
I say no and it turned out well. I feel relieved and, to compensate for my guilt in being a hypocrite, I put in extra time with her at work and make a donation in her name to a charity that serves people like her.
I say no and it turned out poorly. I feel guilty, a hypocrite for not practicing the generosity I preach. So I have trouble sleeping and the word “hypocrite” feels like it is me.
What would you do in that situation?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach, and author of 36 books including Thought Experiments. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com
