Lasered In
A fictional short-short story
I was never popular, but slowly it got really bad. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s partly because I went bald and developed a paunch early and have a sad face — I’ve always had a hard time smiling, and by the time I was 35, the moroseness was etched into my face.
I always thought I deserved a good job but could never land one. My best had been gypsy professor — going from community college to community college in impossible Chicago traffic to teach one course, $5,000 if I was lucky, no benefits of course. And I didn’t get great student evaluations. I dunno — I think I just don’t connect well with the students any more than I do with anyone else.
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So I lasered-in all my efforts on my dog, ET. Like me, he’s kind of ugly and a misfit. I feed him human-grade dog food even though I hate the smell. I put ultrasoft fleeces on the sofa, the chair next to my desk, and of course, on the bed.
I kept applying for real jobs and finally, at age 63, got one, at Loville Community College in Arkansas, 30 miles from Bentonville, where Walmart was founded. Indeed, Walmart subsidizes it.
Even there, my student evaluations have been just okay but I am surprised that this Yankee city slicker seems to be sort of accepted, at least by the denizens of Loville’s barber shop, The Comb Over. They ask about me, something people in Chicago rarely did. They welcome ET, giving him water and even have dog biscuits for him. Coming to The Comb Over has become the highlight of my life. Nothing profound has happened but just maybe I finally have a life rather than lasering it all onto ET. Just maybe, the people of Loville will laser me in.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko dotes on his doggie Hachi, although he feeds him kibble, not smelly, wet food. He’s a career and personal coach and author of 34 books including Little Doggie Stories. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com
