Two Opposite Personalities Talk
a short-short story
It was another of my employer’s required Diversity-Equity-and-Inclusion trainings. But this time it wasn’t about race, gender, or sexual orientation. It was supposed to increase our empathy for different personalities.
The facilitator divided us into pairs, each person in a pair having a different Myers-Briggs personality. I am an INTJ — introverted, thinking-oriented, and judgmental. I was paired with the opposite: an ENFP: extroverted, feeling-centered, and non-judgmental.
Here is a paraphrase of our exchange:
Me (INTJ): I must admit that I’m a little intimidated by extroverts.
ENFP: Why?
INTJ: I mean, extroverts are so good at glad-handing.
ENFP: Just because I’m an extrovert doesn’t make me a glad-hander. Since we’re being honest, I find introverts aloof.
INTJ: Let’s not fight. I think my introversion isn’t aloofness. I’m just more reflective than impulsive.
ENPF: Are you implying that extroverts are impulsive?
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INTJ; Maybe we should move on to me being more thinking-centric and you being more feeling-centric.
ENFP: That feels right.
I chuckled more than the joke deserved but we needed a reset.
INTJ: I do value rationality.
ENFP: Of course, rationality often doesn’t lead to wise answers — Think of the geniuses who couldn’t figure out how to deal with COVID — Masks let alone lockdown?! And then there’s love — That’s a feeling. Should love be purely rational?
INTJ: No, but going with your gut, without sufficient thinking, leads to more bad decisions. With regard to love, think of how many relationships go bad because we let feelings dominate rationality.
ENFP: And think of all those big thinkers who created nuclear bombs and who make wars. I’d rather make love than war.
INTJ: We’re 0 for 2. How about we try our judgmental vs. non-judgmental difference. Judgmentalness has gotten a bad rap. A less charged word is “discerning.” Without discernment, we choose things too at random. Some people are better than others — say, a cancer researcher over a heroin dealer.
ENFP: You’re taking an extreme case. People are too judgmental. If we were more accepting of diversity, we’d be better off.
At this point, the facilitator reconvened the group and, of course, I was grateful. She perked, “So who would like to report out?” There were a good few seconds of silence, which I was glad for — It suggested that her simplistic exercise didn’t yield collective kumbaya.
Finally, an eager attendee chirped, ‘Well, it taught me to appreciate different personalities.” The session made me less tolerant but I was scared to speak up so I just sat there, and so did everyone else.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko holds a Ph.D. in educational psychology from the University of California, Berkeley and is a career and personal coach. He’s also the author of 27 books, including How to Do Life. You can reach Marty at mnemko@comcast.net
