Even without a plus one
I would not have had someone to bring anyways. I have no plus one. I have been divorced for almost three years, I have no significant other, I have not been on one date since my divorce. I have been, I think, to one wedding before today. It was my niece’s wedding, and I sat with my siblings and dad and their spouses, while the kids sat at another table. I laughed with my brother, danced with my kids and my siblings and their spouses, laughed and sang and had a super time. I did not walk my aunt to her car — none of us did — as we should have. Horrible of us, really. It is rare that I am having such a good time at a family event that I don’t want to leave it, but I was — I was enjoying all the minutes of singing and dancing and talking and laughing.
I was divorced and had no plus one. But I had my four children with me, and I was with my sisters, my brothers, my dad, my aunt, their spouses. I did not need a plus one.
Today was different. Today’s wedding was a friend and her partner, whom I consider a friend, too. There was no reason for them to offer me a plus one. And, as I say, I would not have had one to bring. But I felt alone and anxious. The two people from work who were coming — other than the bride — I like a bunch, but they were bringing their partners. I was a fifth wheel to them. They’re kind and welcoming and inclusive, but still, there’s no way around it. I’m a third wheel or fifth wheel. I dreaded this aspect of it.
The ceremony made me teary. This couple is genuine to the core, loving, honest, funny, sweet. Their goal, beyond getting married and honoring each other, was to make every person dance and make every person feel special. At each plate was an envelope with the guest’s name and inside a handwritten note. I saved mine until I got back to my hotel room.
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My table was with four couples and yet, I didn’t feel awkward there. I had a colleague and her husband on my left and an older couple on my right. It was only the dance floor where I felt awkward as couples swayed; even the fast songs invite people to be close to their other half, so as a single person, you’re with everyone but not with anyone. Different if my sisters or my kids or my closest buddies were there. But they weren’t. I liked the singing and the dancing, but my goodness I felt self-conscious, felt like Oh, don’t let the bride or groom see me on the outskirts and feel bad for me.
I removed myself for a little while — a long visit to the ladies room, an empty chair in a removed lobby where I texted with my sister and whined a bit. She got it.
When I returned to the dance floor with the people I knew I looked around and felt a wish well up for my children: let them have this. Let them have people they love like this, the way this wedding couple loves the people in this room. Let them have friends and family that love them right back like this, that show up for them, that stay on the dance floor with them and appreciate so much who they are. Let my children absorb what the bride’s father said to her when she was a kid, “Your siblings will always be your best friends.” Let this be true for my kids, too. Let them keep growing their relationships with each other so that they can be best friends. Let them be patient and know real friends and real love when they find them. Let their love fill a room like this with singing and dancing and pure fun.
I had my pity party for myself sitting in that lobby chair, feeling awkward and a bit lonesome, missing my sister who dances with me at weddings and my kids who dance with me in the kitchen and my friends who have danced with me for years. But I was okay, too. And I came away feeling less sorry for myself than inspired by these friends and the love they created in that room. They wanted each of us to feel special. They made us all feel special. The couple on my right had known the groom since he was in high school; their son was friends with the groom, and somehow the whole family — the three kids and the parents — had become friends with the groom and stayed friends with the groom over the years, and so they were all there. May we have friends that last and last through the years. May I create a home where my kids bring their friends again and again.
Even alone I enjoyed the wedding. I got some handholding there in the middle from my sister, sure. But she’s my best friend. So she was kind of with me there, too.
