Are Families Failing Their Loved Ones?
The Silent Crisis of Delegated Compassion in Nigeria’s Care Culture
By Abiola Hakeemat Etti-Ayilara | Founder, MyQura
“Love is not just about doing everything ourselves — it’s also about knowing when to ask for help.”
Introduction
Care has always been a deeply personal and communal part of life in Nigeria. In our homes, we grow up believing that caring for loved ones, especially parents and elders, is a sacred duty. And truly, it is.
But as the rhythm of life changes and health needs become more complex, many families quietly navigate the tension between tradition and today’s realities. Work, distance, emotional stress, and medical demands have made caregiving more layered than ever.
So instead of asking “Are families failing?” — perhaps a better question is:
Are families being stretched beyond their limits in a system that hasn’t caught up to their evolving needs?
The Invisible Weight of Family Care
Globally, over 43% of adults aged 50 and above require some form of long-term care. In Nigeria, there are over 10 million older adults aged 60 and above, a figure expected to double by 2050.
In many homes, care is provided informally — without structure, without training, and often, without pause. According to a 2022 report, over 68% of caregivers in Nigeria are untrained family members or domestic workers, doing their best with the resources they have.
This is not about blame — it’s about acknowledging the unspoken effort and fatigue so many silently carry.
Culture Meets Complexity
There is deep pride in saying:
“I take care of my parents myself.”
“We don’t take our elders to strangers.”
But more families today are spread across different cities and countries. Data shows that 72% of urban Nigerians aged 25–45 live away from their parents, who are elderly. In such settings, care becomes not just an act of love, but a logistical, emotional, and medical responsibility.
And when those demands grow, many families start asking:
“What else can we do to make sure our loved ones are truly supported?”
Embracing Support, Not Replacing Love
In countries like Germany, Canada, and South Korea, families are encouraged and empowered to seek care support. Structures exist where trained professionals and loved ones work together, relieving pressure and improving quality of life.
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In Ghana, local caregiver partnerships are growing through NGO support and professional training programs. In Kenya, mobile clinics and trained homecare nurses are helping bridge care gaps.
Nigeria has the same opportunity. We don’t need to adopt foreign models — but we can develop our own: one that honours tradition, while embracing professional care as a valued complement to family love.
Redefining What It Means to Care
Care isn’t only about being physically present — it’s about making sure your loved one is truly well. That might mean:
- Inviting trained caregivers to assist with daily tasks
- Providing emotional presence while letting professionals manage complex care
- Creating family-caregiver partnerships that offer dignity, safety, and peace of mind
This isn’t about stepping back — it’s about showing up differently, with wisdom and grace.
Building a More Supportive System
To support Nigerian families in this evolving journey of care, we can begin to:
- Educate communities on what professional caregiving involves.
- Offer culturally sensitive care options that align with local values
- Encourage policies that recognise caregiving efforts, both paid and unpaid
- Create platforms like MyQura that connect trained care providers with families in need
‘’Because care is not one person’s job — it’s something we can all help shape together.’’
Final Reflection
This isn’t a question of whether families care — it’s clear they do.
It’s a question of how we, as a society, can support them in caring well without losing ourselves in the process.
There’s no shame in seeking help—no guilt in asking for support.
Care is strongest when it’s shared.
Let’s Start a Conversation
Has your family ever felt overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities?
Have you wondered how to balance your love with real-life limits?
Let’s explore these questions together. Let’s learn, adapt, and cultivate a care culture that works for our elders, our families, and our future.
