Beyond Networking: The Art of Understanding People
A Small Experience That Made Me Think Differently About Networking
Recently, I visited a networking event, mainly because I wanted to connect with people from the technology community.
Being a tech enthusiast, I naturally assumed that most conversations would revolve around technology. And I wasn’t entirely wrong.
As I walked around, I noticed people discussing AI agents and other technical topics. At that moment, I felt a little out of place. I wasn’t familiar enough with some of those discussions, and I kept wondering how I could start a conversation when I didn’t even know what they were talking about.
So, instead of approaching people, I simply started roaming around.
After a while, someone approached me and asked:
“Why are you standing alone here?”
I explained that I had come to network, but most people seemed to be discussing technical topics that I wasn’t familiar with. I wasn’t sure how to join those conversations.
Their response was surprisingly simple:
“To talk to people, you don’t always need to talk about technology.”
That one statement made me think.
I had gone there believing that networking meant finding people who shared my technical knowledge and interests. But perhaps I was looking at networking from a very narrow perspective.
We often assume that to connect with someone, we must have something specific in common. It could be our profession, technical skills, hobbies or achievements.
But what if connection goes beyond all of that?
What if the real skill is not knowing what to talk about, but understanding whom we are talking to and how to connect with them?
That experience made me explore something interesting: the psychology of human connections, the different kinds of people we meet, how trust develops, and why some conversations turn into meaningful relationships while others remain just small talk.
Here are a few observations and ideas I would like to share.
1. Three Different Wavelengths of Human Connection
A. Ally — Someone Who Shares Your Goals
An ally is someone who shares your ambitions, objectives or direction.
You might not have the same interests or personal values, but you work towards a common outcome.
How to build this connection:
- Work together on a shared project.
- Participate in competitions or events.
- Take responsibility for a common goal.
An ally is someone who can stand beside you when there is work to be done.
B. Pal — Someone Who Shares Your Interests
A pal is someone with whom you share hobbies, interests and enjoyable experiences.
It could be someone who enjoys movies, photography, travelling, technology or simply having meaningful conversations.
How to build this connection:
- Find a common interest.
- Watch a movie together.
- Explore a new activity.
- Discover something you both enjoy.
Sometimes, the strongest connections begin with something as simple as a shared interest.
C. Companion — Someone Who Shares Your Values
A companion is someone with whom you share deeper principles, beliefs and mutual respect.
This is someone who doesn’t necessarily agree with everything you say but respects your perspective.
A good companion:
- Listens without immediately judging.
- Helps you recognise your weaknesses.
- Encourages you to grow.
- Tells you uncomfortable truths when necessary.
- Supports your development rather than simply pleasing you.
A companion is not just someone who makes you feel comfortable. Sometimes, they make you uncomfortable for the right reasons.
2. The Art of Starting a Conversation and Building Trust
Most conversations begin with ordinary questions:
- What’s happening?
- What do you do?
- How was your day?
- What’s on your calendar today?
There is nothing wrong with these questions. However, if we want to understand someone beyond their daily routine, we need to move beyond surface-level conversations.
Try questions that invite personal stories:
1. What’s your favourite memory?
This question can help you understand what experiences bring happiness to someone.
Get Nagabhushana N’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
2. If you could revisit one point in your life, which moment would you choose?
This can reveal what moments or experiences hold importance in someone’s life.
3. Is there something you regret or wish you had done differently?
This can open the door to a more personal conversation about experiences, decisions and lessons.
These questions can open the door to more meaningful conversations.
However, remember that meaningful conversations require mutual comfort. Don’t force someone to reveal personal experiences before they are ready.
Questions to Approach Carefully
Political opinions and religious beliefs can be sensitive subjects, particularly when people have not yet developed mutual trust.
Instead of immediately asking someone to defend their beliefs, first understand their perspective and create an environment where both people feel respected.
The goal of a conversation should be understanding, not winning an argument.
One important thing to remember: A good conversation is not about how much you speak; it is about how well you listen.
4. FOMO vs ROMO: The Psychology of Missing Out
We often hear about FOMO, but there is another interesting idea worth exploring: ROMO.
FOMO — Fear of Missing Out
It is the anxiety that other people are experiencing something exciting or rewarding while we are not part of it.
For example:
- Seeing friends attending an event without you.
- Watching others achieve milestones.
- Feeling left behind when everyone seems to be progressing.
FOMO can make us compare our lives with other people’s experiences.
ROMO — Regret of Missing Out
ROMO can be used to describe the feeling of regretting an opportunity or experience that we missed.
For example:
- Regretting not participating in a competition.
- Wishing you had approached someone.
- Looking back and realising you missed an opportunity to learn something.
The difference is in the emotional focus: FOMO is about the possibility of missing rewarding experiences, whereas regret looks back at an opportunity or decision.
The lesson?
Don’t spend your life worrying about what others are experiencing. Focus on the opportunities that genuinely matter to you.
Sometimes, the opportunity you hesitate to take today becomes the experience you wish you had tomorrow.
5. Can Friendship and Professional Relationships Coexist?
There is an interesting statement:
“A friend can’t be your colleague, and a colleague can’t be your friend.”
But is that really true?
In reality, friendship and professional relationships can coexist. However, the expectations attached to them are different.
At work, we have responsibilities, deadlines, competition, accountability and professional boundaries.
In friendship, we expect emotional support, understanding, loyalty and personal connection.
Problems can arise when we fail to distinguish between these expectations.
For example:
- Expecting a colleague to prioritise friendship over professional responsibility.
- Expecting a friend to agree with every professional decision.
- Allowing personal disagreements to affect workplace responsibilities.
- Confusing professional competition with personal rivalry.
The real lesson is not to avoid friendships at work. It is to understand boundaries.
You can be friendly with your colleagues without expecting every colleague to become a close friend.
Similarly, you can work with your friends without allowing every professional disagreement to affect your personal relationship.
The key is knowing when to be a friend and when to be a professional.
6. Final Thoughts: Understand People Before Expecting Connections
Every person we meet has a different personality, perspective, ambition and emotional background.
Some people will share our goals. Others will share our interests. A few will share our values and challenge us to become better.
Not every connection needs to become a lifelong friendship. Not every professional relationship needs to become personal.
Learn to recognise different wavelengths, respect boundaries, ask better questions and listen more carefully.
Because networking is not simply about knowing more people.
It is about understanding people, building trust and creating meaningful connections.
When I think back to that networking event, I realise something interesting.
I went there hoping to meet people who spoke my language. I came back realising that sometimes, the best connections begin when we learn to speak someone else’s.
Perhaps the art of networking is not about finding people who think like us, but learning how to connect with people who think differently.
