decide
In life, you don`t always get what you want.
Even if you work like crazy to have it, or you care about it a lot.
Life isn`t always a sweet rainbow cake or a fun arcade, even if people want it.
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In life, you have to decide stuff.
If you want to be successful, you decide to be busier than most people.
If you want to be smart, you decide to spend your time studying.
If you want to be rich, you decide that you need to work without looking at the time. (except you’re born rich, then congrats on that)
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And when you decide about stuff, sometimes you can`t take it back or rewind time.
Sometimes you`re stuck on grieving your own decision.
Sometimes you haven`t even moved on from your past decision.
Sometimes you lose yourself thinking too much about your past.
Sometimes you resent yourself for making the decisions.
Sometimes you think too much about ‘what to decide in life’ that you don`t genuinely live.
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I`m not saying you shouldn`t think or decide.
It`s life.
Eventually, you have to decide.
What are you going to do and what do you want in life?
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But on the bright side, you can also decide about stuff that you genuinely like.
You can decide to live your life while also being busy.
You can still find joy in the smallest things.
You can still find yourself even when you think you`re late.
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For me, I enjoy watching movies.
I enjoy talking about my interests or people’s interests.
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I enjoy talking with people I`m comfortable with.
I enjoy seeing people genuinely happy with what they do in life.
I enjoy eating sweets.
I enjoy buying myself a small gift for my little achievement.
I enjoy dressing up for myself.
I enjoy being a thoughtful person.
I enjoy being me.
And now, I have found joy in myself.
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The joy might not stay all the time.
It might just be one time and vanish the next second.
I still overthink.
I still burn out.
I still care too much.
But now, I`ll try to accept it as it is.
Because that sad part is also a part of me.
It`s my emotion and how I react to stuff.
It`s my personality and how my environment shapes me.
It`s my uniqueness that I spend too long resenting.
Yes, I might still resent it in the future, but now I know how to accept it as it is.
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So, even if life doesn`t always go with what I want.
Even if I still try to find who I am.
Even if it`s scary.
Even if it`s uncertain.
I`m glad and grateful that I can decide my own life.
Because in the end, it`s life.
And you get to decide whether you want to live your life, if you want to.
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#EnglishClass
