13. Questioning
During those three days alone, I thought a lot. About our arguments, his behaviour, mine and even his dog. How did it become so ugly? Did I miss any sign that should have warned me?
The more and more I thought about it, the less I found. Nothing in his attitude could predict he had so much anger. Maybe it was me? Maybe things got lost in translation? Maybe I acted poorly?
I had no one to talk to; my friends left months ago, and I didn’t have any acquaintances here. I felt so lonely, so out of place. At that time, I really wanted to be with my family.
But I couldn’t. Even though he scared me twice, I was in love with that man. We had good moments; I didn’t want to renounce that happiness. And I knew he loved me deeply. Despite the terrible things he said to me.
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What doesn’t break you makes you stronger right? I hope it was true!
I didn’t hear from him the first day or the second. I sent a message but the answer was cold; he only asked about his dog. I didn’t expect a loving conversation but the bare minimum would have been to ask how I was, especially after these past few days.
I tried to focus on the positive; I was healthy and I had a roof over my head. Well, for now.
I took his dog for a walk every day, which was a mission; it looked more as if he walked me. The dingo didn’t want to make things easier for me. If I wanted to stay, I’d have to fight for it.
And now, you know me.
If I have to fight, I’ll do it the best I can.
