Woe is me, more like woah is me.
I’m in my 30’s, and I’m thinking about the phrase “looks good on paper.”
A lot of english phrases leave off the end … “looks good on paper … in theory.”
I’m thinking about this phrase because it occurred to me that, I’m not sure I look good on paper. I live at home, I have an older car, I don’t make a lot money (yet). I’m not sure what’s next, I don’t have clear linear goals, I am not married no prospects. And none of these things make me sad or feel pressing. However in comparison, it can occasionally make me feel other, different, like I’m missing something.
A lot of people talk about their lives in this linear fashion, even with life’s curve balls they know they will do many of the things people have done before them and it seems so digestible. They seem like people who can be satisfied. Clear transactions. And with me, they don’t know what or I get a good luck paired with body language that suggests they don’t believe me.
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But I don’t feel that way, I feel vague and spontaneous. I meet things with a positive attitude, good work, and room for things to surprise me. This felt like my agreement with life.
Is it age? or post-pandemic trump ptsd, but the agreement feels dissolved and my way of being feels not enough. I feel not enough. Like my currency is less than, but people sure do take it.
I thank goodness, for times when I am aligned and can say “woah!” is me, when I see all the bold and vulnerable choices I have made no matter the size in this life time, to quote my therapist “ you life is like a movie.”
And maybe that’s it, I don’t look good on paper, but I do look good on camera.
All a theory is, is a guess or speculation based off observation. I wish I would have known the rest of the damn phrase. I am nothing but a bunch of observations, and I’m a writer so … I do look good on paper!
