A Meeting With MYSELF
A Meeting with Myself
What strange creatures we humans are, aren’t we? We spend half our lives thinking about what others have done. She did this, he did that, that person is like this, she dresses like that, and their earnings are unlawful. We spend our entire lives finding faults in others, pointing out their flaws and judging their shortcomings. But have we ever stopped to ask ourselves what we are?
Not how we appear to others, but how we appear to ourselves.
Have you ever thought about what it would feel like if you met someone exactly like yourself? Someone who thought just like you, spoke just like you, judged people just like you, and carried the same flaws as you. Would you like that person? Would you admire them? Or would you find yourself uncomfortable in their presence?
Have you ever wondered who you really are and how you appear to your own self?
We girls, before going anywhere, spend so much time selecting our outfits. We wonder how we will look, whether people will like what we wear, whether it will suit us or not. And why is that? Because we judge others ourselves, so deep down, we fear that others will judge us in the same way.
But who are they to judge us? And, just the same, who are we to judge anyone else?
How easy it is to tell someone, “You are a sinner!” But have you ever stopped to think about who you are yourself? We commit so many sins throughout the day that we cannot even count them, yet we feel entitled to declare someone else a sinner.
Who are we to pass such judgments?
This is a matter between a person and their Lord. Allah knows the state of every heart. What if the very person we call a sinner stands before us on the Day of Judgment, already admitted into Paradise before we even arrive?
What gives us the right to label someone a sinner?
These days, people insult others in the name of being “straightforward,” as though humiliating someone were their right, or even their duty. And then they proudly say, “That’s just how I am. I say everything to people’s faces.”
How easy it is to tell someone that a particular feature of their face is unattractive. But who are you to find faults in the creation of Allah?
And you have absolutely no idea how a single sentence, spoken in the name of being straightforward, can shatter another person’s confidence. You may never even realize the damage your words have caused.
You see a girl wearing hijab, and you tell her, “It doesn’t suit you.”
What is the point of saying something like that? She is wearing it for the sake of Allah, not for you. It is her personal matter. No one has given you the right to interfere in someone else’s personal choices, just as you would not want others interfering in yours.
Being judgmental is easy. Self-evaluation, however, is just as difficult.
Have you ever asked yourself: Who am I? Why am I the way I am? What am I doing with my life?
We have been commanded to treat others with kindness and compassion. We belong to the Ummah of a Prophet ﷺ who demonstrated such extraordinary consideration for others’ feelings that he would go out of his way to avoid hurting someone’s heart.
It is narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ ate bitter cucumbers with a Bedouin so that the man would not feel hurt or embarrassed. He did not offer the bitter ones to his companions either, lest someone complain about their bitterness and the Bedouin’s feelings be hurt.
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Just think about that level of compassion.
Our Prophet ﷺ was mindful of something as small as another person’s feelings. Yet we, who claim to follow him, hurt people with a few careless words.
Why?
Why don’t we pause before speaking and ask ourselves how our words might make the other person feel? What if our words cause them pain? What if we wound their heart without even realizing it?
If you want to free yourself from the fear of what people will say, then first, step away from the circle of people who say about others everything they themselves would never want to hear about themselves.
Change yourself first.
As you begin to change your own behavior, your subconscious mind will gradually begin to free itself from the prison of worrying about what people will say.
The things we do, the thoughts we entertain, and the words we speak gradually become patterns in our subconscious mind. We become accustomed to those patterns and continue to follow them.
So, instead of constantly worrying about what people will say, start asking yourself:
What will Allah say? What answer will I give to Allah?
When you begin to live with this awareness, you will gradually free yourself from the imaginary and irrational fears that govern so much of our lives, especially the fear of what people will say.
Bring change within yourself first.
Who someone else is, what they do, and how they choose to live are not necessarily your concerns. But who you are, what you do, and what kind of person you are becoming — that is your responsibility.
So, get to know yourself.
Practice self-evaluation. It is essential because it brings you face-to-face with your own reality.
Try meeting yourself sometime. Look within. Recognize who you truly are.
Understanding your own self — recognizing your weaknesses, acknowledging your shortcomings, and becoming aware of the flaws you need to work on — will help you bring positive change into your life.
Because improvement begins only when you recognize where you are going wrong and what needs to change.
Once you understand yourself, begin to shape yourself into the kind of person you wish others would be.
Be the person whose kindness you seek in others. Be the person whose words you wish others would speak. Be the person who understands before judging, who thinks before speaking, and who chooses compassion over criticism.
And then, perhaps, you will finally become capable of beginning your journey towards greater heights.
Insha’Allah.
ALEESHA BINT E GHAZANFAR
