When the Leader Breaks
It was around 11:00 in the morning. Chan was clinging to my hand, exhausted, as we sat on an old sofa in the corner of the studio. He hadn’t slept for nearly three days, preparing for the concert. He hardly returned to the dorm, making the studio and staff room his temporary home for the past few days. I believed his plan for today was no different, but it was clear that he was exhausted. All he could do was pass on the responsibilities to the other older members.
“Innie…” Chan’s voice was faint as he called out to me.
“Yeah, hyung?” I asked, gently stroking his head.
“Aren’t you cold?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Are you cold, hyung?” I replied, placing my hand on his neck to check his temperature. “You’re burning up. It feels like you have a fever.”
“Hyung, please… Let’s go to the dorm. Minho and Bin will handle everything here. You don’t have to worry,” I pleaded with him.
Just then, Minho walked in, and I quickly filled him in on Chan’s condition. He knelt down and gently touched Chan’s face, which was pale and covered in sweat.
“Channie… You better go and get some rest, hmm? You’re even starting to shiver,” Minho said softly, concern evident in his eyes.
Chan’s eyes fluttered open and closed struggling to stay awake, a sign of how exhausted he truly was. Finally, he nodded in agreement, though it was clear he could barely keep his head up.
Minho knelt down and tried to help Chan up, but Chan clung to my hand like a small child, his grip surprisingly strong despite his obvious exhaustion.
“Channie, let go of Innie’s hand for a bit. We can’t take you to the car like this, hmm?” Minho coaxed him gently, his voice soft and reassuring.Chan looked up at Minho with half-lidded eyes, his face flushed and his hair tousled from resting against me. He blinked slowly, clearly trying to process Minho’s words but too tired to fully comprehend them. His lips formed a small pout as he reluctantly loosened his grip on my hand, still looking somewhat dazed and confused.
Just then, Changbin joined us, quickly assessing the situation. Without a word, he took off his large hoodie and draped it over Chan’s shoulders, carefully adjusting it to keep him warm. The oversized hoodie made Chan look smaller , the sleeves hanging well past his hands.
“Now it’s not too cold, right, babe?” Changbin said softly, his tone affectionate and caring. He looked down at Chan with a gentle smile, watching as Chan’s eyes fluttered open and closed, trying to stay awake.It was clear to all of us that he was too tired .
“Come here,I’ll take you to car”
Changbin said, gently pulling Chan away from me and lifting him into his arms.
Under normal circumstances, Chan would never allow anyone to babysit him like this. He always insisted he didn’t want to be a burden, feeling it was his duty as the leader to take care of the others. But today was different. He didn’t resist as Changbin carried him, a sign of just how worn out he was.
“He must be feeling super cold. When you get home, put him in bed and cover him with a few blankets, Innie,” Changbin advised, his voice soft and filled with concern. He looked down at Chan, whose face was now nuzzled into the crook of Changbin’s neck, seeking warmth and safety.
Once Changbin settled Chan into the backseat, I made sure he was comfortable and held him close so he wouldn’t fall.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him,” I reassured the others, who were watching anxiously as we prepared to leave. With Chan out of commission, the rest of the tasks fell on their shoulders.
“Innie, there are some medicines in my room at the dorm. Get them for Chan once you get there,” Changbin instructed.
I nodded in agreement.”Okay, I will.”
“Okay, Innie. Be careful and take care of him,” he said.
“Sir please drive safely.”minho told the driver.
As we drove, Chan’s head rested on my shoulder, his warm breath brushing against my neck. I placed my hand on his neck again, feeling the heat radiate from his skin. He was burning up.
When we arrived at the dorm, I gently tried to wake him. “Channie, we have to get up. Can you?”
He nodded weakly, I got out of the car first before helping him out. He leaned heavily against me, shivering.
“Ahh… Cold…” he murmured.
He must have been very sensitive, as it wasn’t actually that cold outside.
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“We’ll be inside soon, hyung,” I reassured him, holding him tightly as we walked to his room.
Once there, I laid him down on his bed, removing the beanie and hoodie, followed by his shoes and socks. I lifted his head gently, placing it on a soft pillow. His skin was hot to the touch, flushed and pale.
“Oh, cutie… You’re burning up,” I whispered, covering him with several blankets. “Sleep for now.”
After making sure he was comfortable, I went to the kitchen to prepare something for him to eat. The poor leader was completely exhausted, and it broke my heart to see him in such a state.
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“In-ah~… In-ah~” Chan called out weakly after a little while. I was in the kitchen making soup when I heard him, and I quickly abandoned my task and ran to the room.”Hyung, did you wake up?” I asked as I entered the room.
Chan was sitting on his knees on the bed, looking dazed and disoriented from the fever. His usually bright eyes were dull and tired, his face flushed with heat.
“Hyung…” I climbed onto the bed to check his condition. He immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. His grip was weak but desperate. “Cain’t s-sleep…” he mumbled, his voice a strained whisper. It was surprising; Chan never usually expressed his discomfort or weakness, especially not to us. But today, he seemed too vulnerable to hide anything. It was clear that he felt terrible.
I gently rubbed his back, trying to soothe him.
As Chan nestled closer, his hands clutched weakly at my hoodie, his fingers barely able to grasp the fabric. His usually strong demeanor had completely melted away, leaving behind an endearing vulnerability that tugged at my heart. It was rare to see him like this, so openly relying on me for comfort and care.
“I know, Channie, I know it’s no fun.”
“It’s hic so… c-cold… but I feel hot inside… I don’t l… like this… want to sleep, Innie…” My heart broke as he struggled to explain how he felt.Guess he has a feverish mind. I thought to myself. “I know, mm.” I murmured, continuing to rub his back .Getting some food and medicine into him seemed like the best course of action. Seeing him like this reminded me of the heavy burdens he carried as our leader, and in this moment of weakness, I was more than willing to care for him, just as he always did for us.
Just then, my phone rang. It was Changbin, needing some advice from Chan about the concert. I handed Chan the phone, but he just stared at it, not saying a word.After a moment, I took the phone back from him. “Bin…””Innie, he didn’t talk,” Bin said.
“ I could see that too.” i said.
“It’s okay, Innie. He must be really tired. We’ll figure something out here. Just take care of hyung, and call us if you need anything,” Changbin reassured me..
“Okay, Hyung,” I replied, then turned my attention back to Chan.”Why didn’t you talk to Bin, Channie?” I asked gently.”Did-didn’t understand a word, Innie… My head feels stuffy…” he murmured, sounding confused and frustrated.”Aww… my baby… It’s fine,” I said, stroking his hair.
“How about we get rid of your sweaty clothes and put on something fresh? Sounds good?”
“I know you want to sleep, but we both know you can’t sleep like this, right?” I said as I rummaged through his wardrobe for a change of clothes.”Let’s get this off, Hyung…” I helped him out of his shirt, wiped him down with a towel, and handed him a fresh one to wear.”Wanna go out of the room?” I asked.
He shook his head, so I helped him off the bed and led him to the sofa, wrapping a blanket around him to keep him warm.
“Innie… maybe it’s just my nose, but I think I smell something burning,” he murmured.”Is that so …may be your nose is-… Oh, shit!” I remembered the soup and dashed back to the kitchen, turning off the stove. Luckily, it hadn’t burned, but it wasn’t in state to eat either.
How can I give him medicine without even a proper meal?. I berated myself.
Back in the room, I returned to Chan with a quickly prepared bowl of ramen. “Hyung, I made you some ramen,” I said, helping him sit up and bringing the bowl to him.”I’m sorry, Hyung. I wanted to make you something good for your health,” I said, handing him the bowl.
“No, this — fine. Thank you, Innie,” he replied, trying to smile.He managed a few bites before stopping.
“You didn’t burn- down our kitchen, did you…”
I smiled back at him, touched by his effort.
He knows how I feel… It’s weird..
I thought.
He’s the one who’s sick yet here he is, trying to make me feel better. I should be the one comforting him.
Yet, even in his feverish state, guess he can’t turn off his dad mode.
I sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and admiration.
When he couldn’t eat any more, I took the bowl from him and handed him a glass of water and some medicine from Bin’s room.”Go back to sleep, Hyung. You’ll feel better. Do you want to go back to your room?”
“Better here…” he murmured.I let him sleep on the sofa, checking on him after about two hours. His fever had gone down a bit. “Thank God,” I whispered. A little more rest and you will be fine…
By the time the others arrived in the evening, Chan’s condition had improved significantly. His fever had broken, yet the three days without sleep still made him look worn out. We guided him to rest more, even though he disagreed. Felix brought some of Chan’s favorite foods, and Han made sure he felt comfortable.
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