Golfs
Golf is wack, but minigolf is sublime. What’s the difference? Is it the equipment, the obstacles encountered, or the economics? Let’s take a look:
Okay, it’s established that mingolf is superior in every aspect, but what keeps them from becoming each other?
A rigorous analyzation of both forms between myself, a1337spy, and DrMotherfucker led to no black-and-white conclusion. Is it the the scale, the equipment, or the obstacles? Our attempt to reach a conclusion felt futile, though the Doctor’s friend might help us hone into the Truth:
This discussion ensued because of my participation in a one-day mini-golf show at Ditch Projects:
I decided to make digital interactive experiences because I don’t have a car, and that makes carrying around objects on the bus quite difficult. I didn’t have enough time to figure out how to make a something with a game engine, so I decided to make maps for pre-existing games:
This is a level for VVVVVV. It’s only vaguely like minigolf in that you have to “putt” your character into the 18 “holes” (shiny trinkets). That’s close enough, right? To make it more accessible, I eliminated the need for movement other than pressing the spacebar at the correct time (your character travels via conveyor belts). I observed it to be a bit difficult for many, but that’s what happens when I failed to test it due to the fact that I made it the day before.
It was done with the Make and Play Edition, which is free.
Instructions and download link for this and the following here.
This is a Doom WAD called “Minigolf, but the balls are rockets and the holes are flaming skulls of Doom.”
I created a simple set of 9 levels, basically the “front nine” of a Golf course. The title explains why it was in the show.
Because I created this on the day of the exhibition, I was unable to figure out how to create a set of levels that didn’t include killing; however, the Lost Souls you murder aren’t really alive, nor do they bleed. Yet that didn’t stop one of the professors becoming upset with me as her son accidentally switched to a pistol, and that was a bit embarrassing to me considering I consciously try to avoid games with guns.
Unfortunately, you’ll have to purchase and download Doom, and probably a source port. If you are willing to do this, I’ll be happy to help you set it up once you buy the game.
Shortly after that, I enlisted to test the beta for the Cheap Golf final episode.
This is one of those games that is so God Damn perfect. The tone, humour, graphics, music, story, and gameplay coalesce into a beautiful package. It’s one of the few games that I felt was personally made for me.
Case in point: the soundtrack. I don’t know if it would actually be considered music, as it’s mostly glitchy atonal noise, though some of the tracks do contain some sense of rhythm. The chunky, shader-damaged visuals clue me in to the inspiration being fucked-up old-as-heck computers, and this is exactly the type of shit I wanna hear more of in games.
Not only does Cheap Golf take on the nature of minigolf with its obstacles, putting, and portals, but the name itself addresses its own accessibility. It’s 5USD and it lasts as long as you have the game, so Cheap Golf tramples Golf in its ass.
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In spite of their source material, there exists non-elitist videogame manifestations of Golf. Of course, I’m not talking about that boring PGA-licensed big studio-created garbage, but games that are actually good. I present two of the finest examples:
What the Golf?’s tagline is “The golf game for people who hate golf.” Enough said.
Desert Golfing might be just Golf, but is it elitist and exclusionary? It depends on whether or not you consider the ridiculous amount of holes as meant for those who are time-rich.
I’d argue that it’s quite accessible due to its easy-to-understand nature: it doesn’t require any instructions to play. There is no limit for strokes, so it allows lesser-skilled users to enjoy it at their own pace. It’s my go-to game whenever I go big potty.
One last video to ponder on the nature of Golf and economics, courtesy of DrMotherfucker:
Appendix
by DrMotherfucker
a complex psychological picture embedded within a frame of class warfare:
william “D-FENS” foster, played by michael douglas, is a defense contractor who gets fired from his job and falls into a spiral of monomania and alienation that becomes exacerbated by the cruelty, violence, and absurdity of the early 90’s los angeles
he doesn’t seek violence, but becomes increasingly more willing to participate when it is brought to him; and as he becomes more aware of the injustice and deception underlying american society, he grows more indignant at the sight of it
and so, he walks through a golf course where two old wealthy white men grow angry at his very presence not fitting their high class standards, choosing to assault him for refusing to bow to their whims
to which foster produces a shotgun and decries the injustice of the whole scheme: a wide swath of beautiful land that could have gone to the public good instead sequestered off for these rich old men and their game
we resonate with him; he says what we’re all thinking, what we all knew was unfair and greedy and hurting the rest of us, but none of us were willing to take the steps to change
and then, at the peak of his moral indignation, he shoots a golf cart, causing one of the men to begin dying of a heart attack
and as he realizes that the medication the man needs to live is on the very golf cart he destroyed, he reacts not with sympathy, but a sadistic grin
“now aren’t you sorry you didn’t let me pass through your golf course? and now you’re gonna die wearing that stupid little hat. how does it feel?”
and we’re shocked right back into reality: this man who seemed to stand for sanity and justice is himself insane and cruel, gleefully willing to let an elderly man whose only crime was aggressively hitting a golf ball die to prove a point
his words were right, his purpose was justifiable, and yet the actions those words and purpose lead him to were horrifying
and so we’re left to wonder: when we think of setting right the injustice of the world, how far would we be willing to go?
when we feel a sense of connection to foster seeing how senselessly wasteful the institution of golf is, is that sense of connection tacitly underscored with a darkness in our hearts? do we secretly desire to see the people who hurt us be hurt back?
nothing ever stays abstract:
justice is but only what men do unto men
rightness is but only what men think in their heads and know in their hearts
and golf is but only the stage that man’s inhumanity to man plays out
I record every game I play and I post them weekly. Here are links to one, two, and three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, and twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, and twenty-eight.
