Living vs Surviving
I recently went on a trip with my family. We have a tradition of always carrying home-cooked food with us for two reasons. Firstly, we don’t really have many options that provide food without onion and garlic and secondly, my dad is not a fan of eating outside food.
So, this time, my parents cooked, Indian flat bread made from Fenugreek leaves, aka “Methi Thepla”.
The trip was short, but we assumed it would be long, and we carried extra food, with lots of snacks.
During the journey, we halted for a restroom break and decided to have our brunch from what we packed. Everything was great, we were enjoying our food and family time. And then suddenly I saw a puppy. It was too skinny and clearly looked like it was starving.
My mom, without much thinking, offered to share some food with this pup. And I interfered, I was against giving food to the pup. The reason is that my parents can’t adjust to outside food. And it only felt safe to keep some food for ourselves as extra.
The way the pup looked, bothered me a lot, especially when I stopped my mom from sharing our food.
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In no time, I was past this feeling and was able to enjoy my trip with my family. When we were on our way back home, I realised a few theplas were left over. And then again I was reminded of the same pup with whom I didn’t share the food. This time it bothered me a lot.
I kept asking myself —
- Why was I thinking too far? When I know we have enough food.
- Did I feel triggered or threatened to share what’s mine, even when I know I have in excess? It’s yes, then why?
- What made me overlook the pup’s condition? Am I growing into an insensitive person?
These questions still bother me.
And maybe I know all the answers. But I don’t understand how I went from being a caring person to a selfish one.
I guess this happens when we stop living our lives and live only to survive. Every moment feels like we are in survival mode. Well, I’m not talking about the classic survival mode, where we are in constant fight/flight state. However, if one cannot live their life fully in the present but is governed by their future or past then this is not called as - living your life.
This incident has been an eye-opener to me. I learned that while it’s good to think of the future and have some foresight while making decisions in the present, not everything has to be like that.
Sometimes it’s important to let go and go with the flow. I thought it was important to practice this at least once every day.
