The Things We Do to Avoid Silence
Why we keep reaching for our phones, what we’re avoiding in the quiet, and what might happen if we learned to sit with ourselves again.
Have you ever sat alone in a room with nothing to do, no phone, no music, no television, just you and your thoughts?
If you have, you probably know how strange it can feel.
At first, it might feel peaceful. But after a while, you start thinking about things you usually ignore. Old memories come back. You start worrying about the future. Sometimes, you even find yourself thinking about things you never paid attention to before.
And suddenly, doing nothing doesn’t feel so easy anymore.
I think this is one of the reasons we have become so attached to our phones. Whenever we have a free moment, we reach for them. Waiting for food? Take out the phone. Sitting alone? Open Instagram or YouTube. Going to bed? Watch a few videos before sleeping.
And somehow, those few videos turn into an hour or two.
I’ve noticed how easily we do this. Even when there is nothing important to check, we keep scrolling. We move from one video to another without really caring about what we’re watching.
It’s almost as if we are afraid of having nothing to do.
But why?
What happens when we sit with our thoughts?
I think part of the problem is that silence gives us time to think.
When we’re busy, we don’t have to deal with every thought that comes into our heads. We can keep ourselves occupied with work, entertainment, conversations, or anything else.
But when everything becomes quiet, those thoughts have room to surface.
You might start thinking about a mistake you made years ago. Maybe you remember an awkward conversation and wonder why you said what you said. Or perhaps you start worrying about your career, your relationships, or the things you thought you would have achieved by now.
I know how easy it is to get caught up in your own thoughts.
Sometimes, we don’t even want to solve these problems. We just want to stop thinking about them for a while. And our phones give us an easy way to do that.
There is always another video to watch, another post to read, or another story to get lost in.
The problem is that the moment we put our phones down, those thoughts can come back.
We haven’t necessarily dealt with anything. We’ve just kept ourselves busy enough not to notice it.
I’m not saying that using your phone is a bad thing. I use mine too, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying entertainment. But I do wonder what happens when we become so used to filling every quiet moment that we no longer know how to spend time with ourselves.
Maybe we’re missing something in the silence
Think about the last time you went outside without headphones or your phone in your hand.
You might notice the sound of birds, the wind moving through the trees, or people talking in the distance. Things that would usually go unnoticed suddenly become easier to hear.
Even your own thoughts become more noticeable.
There’s something interesting about that.
We often think of silence as the absence of sound, but being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean that nothing is happening. Sometimes, it simply means we finally have the time to notice what’s already there.
I’ve also come across the idea that silence is where people find a connection with God.
For those who believe in God, quiet moments can become an opportunity to pray, reflect, and feel closer to Him. Instead of constantly looking for something to occupy their minds, they can use that time to express gratitude, ask for guidance, or simply sit with their faith.
I think there’s something valuable in that, even when we look at it from the perspective of everyday life.
We all need moments when we aren’t trying to consume something, achieve something, or entertain ourselves.
Sometimes, we just need to stop.
Being alone isn’t always the same as being lonely
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
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You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. You can also spend time by yourself and feel perfectly content.
I think the difference often comes down to how we experience our own company.
When you’re comfortable being alone, you don’t necessarily need someone else to fill every moment. You can read, think, go for a walk, or sit quietly without feeling that something is missing.
Of course, that doesn’t mean human connection isn’t important. We need other people, and loneliness can be a very real and painful experience. Sometimes, what we need is a conversation, a friend, or simply someone who understands us.
But I wonder if we’ve started treating every moment of solitude as something that needs to be fixed.
The moment we feel bored, we look for entertainment. When we feel sad, we look for distraction. When we don’t know what to do, we open an app and let someone else decide what we’ll pay attention to.
Eventually, we might become so used to being entertained that ordinary life starts feeling boring in comparison.
A quiet morning doesn’t feel interesting enough. A walk without music feels too long. Sitting with our own thoughts feels uncomfortable.
And we keep looking for something more stimulating.
But what if the problem isn’t that ordinary life has become boring? What if we’ve simply become less comfortable paying attention to it?
What about the thoughts we keep avoiding?
I don’t think sitting quietly will magically solve our problems. Some thoughts need action, some need a conversation, and some are better handled with professional help.
But I do think there’s value in giving ourselves the chance to understand what’s going on in our minds instead of immediately trying to escape it.
Sometimes, talking to yourself can help. You might ask yourself why something is bothering you, what you’re actually afraid of, or what you can do about a problem.
I do this myself. I’ll ask a question aloud and try to work through it. It helps me organise my thoughts and look at a situation from a different perspective.
Writing can do the same thing. When you put your thoughts on paper, you sometimes realise that a problem isn’t quite what you thought it was.
And if you’re someone who finds comfort in faith, prayer can also be a way to reflect, express gratitude, and seek guidance.
None of these things requires you to have all the answers. Sometimes, the point is simply to give yourself enough space to ask the questions.
Of course, not every thought deserves your attention, either. Overthinking can become its own trap. There’s a difference between reflecting on a problem and replaying the same worry for hours.
The goal isn’t to spend the whole day inside your head. It’s to become comfortable enough with your thoughts that you don’t have to run away from them every time they appear.
Try doing nothing for a while
Here’s something you could try.
The next time you find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, put it down for a few minutes.
You don’t need to meditate or follow a particular routine. Just sit somewhere, look outside, or go for a walk without trying to fill the silence.
You might feel bored. You might feel restless. You might even find yourself reaching for your phone without realizing it.
That’s fine.
You don’t have to turn every quiet moment into a productive activity. You don’t need to learn something, improve yourself, or make progress toward a goal every time you have free time.
Just let yourself be there for a while.
And if your thoughts wander, let them. If something important comes to mind, give it some attention. If nothing interesting happens, that’s fine too.
I’m trying to remind myself of this as well. It’s easy to spend so much time looking for something interesting that we forget to pay attention to what’s already around us.
Maybe we don’t need to fill every moment.
Maybe we don’t need to turn every boring afternoon into an opportunity for entertainment.
And maybe being comfortable with silence is something we can learn again.
Because the next time you find yourself alone, with nothing to do and nobody to talk to, you might discover that your own company isn’t as bad as you thought.
You might even enjoy it.
