HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT PALESTINE

It is important to have an honest, age-appropriate conversation about one of the world’s most complicated conflicts.

Do not let your kitties grow up to be Zionists.

By the time your kitten reaches six months of age, it is important to have an honest, age-appropriate conversation about one of the world’s most complicated conflicts. Fortunately, this is not as challenging as it may at first sound, because your cat’s attention span and appetite for nuance approximate those of the majority of “pro-Palestinian” activists.

The following is a convenient guide for this challenging but important dialogue between you and your conscientious companion animal.

Situate timeframes

Begin by reassuring your cat that history started sometime around October 2023. Earlier events may be safely ignored, as they can complicate matters and need not be addressed.

Claims of indigeneity

If your cat asks whether Jews have any historical connection to the land, gently redirect the conversation by jingling a laser pointer.

Avoid unnecessary distractions

Should your cat inquire why Palestinian, Arab, and Muslim elites have launched multiple wars, scuttled peace negotiations, and rejected partition plans, land-for-peace offers, and numerous opportunities for a Palestinian state, explain that these are…