Showing Up Is the Job
Lessons I’m still learning as a working single dad
I work with my hands for a living. I fix heating and cooling systems, I run a couple of businesses on the side, and I’m raising my nine-year-old son at home. Some days that feels like three full-time jobs stacked on top of each other.
I’m not writing this because I’ve figured it all out. I haven’t. I’m writing it because I’ve learned a few things the hard way, and maybe one of them helps another parent who’s tired and trying.
Showing up beats being perfect
When you’re stretched thin, it’s easy to think you’re failing because you can’t do everything. You miss something. Dinner is simple again. The house isn’t spotless.
What I’ve come to believe is that kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need one who keeps showing up. Being there at pickup. Asking about their day and actually listening to the answer. Being the same person on a hard day as on a good one.
Consistency is a kind of love kids can feel even when they can’t name it.
Your kids are watching how you work
In my trade, you learn fast that how you do the job matters as much as finishing it. You show up when you said you would. You clean up after yourself. You tell the customer the truth, even when it’s not what they want to hear.
I’ve realized my son is learning those same lessons just by watching me. He sees whether I keep my word. He sees how I talk about people. He sees what I do when something goes wrong.
That’s a lot of pressure, but it’s also a gift. I don’t have to give a speech about responsibility. I just have to live it where he can see.
Protect the small moments
Work will take every hour you give it. There’s always another call, another email, another thing to fix. If I’m not careful, my son ends up with whatever’s left over at the end of the day, and some days that isn’t much.
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So I try to protect the small stuff:
- Car rides. Some of the best conversations happen when nobody’s looking at each other.
- Meals together, even simple ones, with the phone put away.
- Bedtime. A few minutes of talking before lights out goes further than you’d think.
- Saying yes sometimes. Yes to the game, the walk, the silly question, even when I’m tired.
None of it costs money. All of it adds up.
It’s okay to be honest about being tired
For a long time I thought being a strong dad meant never letting my kid see me struggle. I don’t think that anymore.
I’m not talking about putting adult problems on a child. Kids shouldn’t carry that. But it’s okay for him to hear, “Dad’s had a long day, so let’s take it easy tonight.” It teaches him that people get tired, that it’s normal, and that you can be tired and still be kind and still keep going.
Ask for help, and take it
Single parents especially tend to try to do it all alone. Pride gets in the way. I get it.
But nobody builds anything alone, not a house, not a business, and not a family. Lean on the people you trust. Family, friends, teachers, coaches, other parents. Accepting help doesn’t make you less of a parent. It makes you a smarter one.
Take care of the parent, too
You can’t run a furnace with a clogged filter, and you can’t run a household on empty either. Sleep, food, a little quiet time. I’m still bad at this. But I’ve noticed that when I take care of myself even a little, I’m more patient and more present at home.
That’s not selfish. That’s maintenance.
Every season is different
Being a dad changes as your kids grow. What worked last year might not work now. I try to stay flexible, pay attention, and adjust, the same way you’d adjust a system when the season changes.
I have more than one child, and each one has taught me something different. The common thread is simple: they want to know you’re there, and that you mean it.
What I’d tell another working parent
If you’re juggling work and kids and feel like you’re coming up short, here’s what I’d say: keep showing up. Keep your word. Protect the small moments. Ask for help. Forgive yourself for the days that don’t go well, and try again tomorrow.
That’s the job. It’s the most important one I’ve got.
Patrick Germeus is an HVAC service technician, business owner, and father living in Poughkeepsie, New York. He writes about the trades, family, and building something of your own.
