Self Realization
I think I’ve mentioned that I was raised by unequally yoked parents. Dad did not align himself with Hinduism anymore when he was courting mom but soon after starting a family he decided to join one of his friends in a meditation group.
Mom was born and bred a Christian and like almost everyone else, went through a rebellious phase and decided to become a better Christian only after having us. I was a people pleaser ever since I was young and could not find the heart to say no to either of them, so I had exposure to both ideologies from a young age, unlike my older sibling.
I’d go to the Hindu temple, choose Hanuman, the coolest looking god and crack coconuts on the weekdays and on weekends I’d go to church and be completely lost in Sunday School. I’d be forced to attend spiritual camps (meditation) and treasure hunt for Easter eggs annually. Dad would force me to sit with him and meditate almost daily telling me one day I’ll be a ‘realized soul’. While mom left it entirely to God to speak to me. She introduced me to Him, and left everything else to Him.
As a kid, naturally meditation was less attractive cause instead of interacting with something, I was forced to the ground and had my eyes closed most of the time while facing the ugliest looking person in the world — that ‘guru’ Dad looks up to. It’s one of the most confusing beliefs to me, to believe in all religions, all prophets as ‘realized souls’ to help us achieve a form of ‘enlightenment’. They had chants/prayers from Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and even said the Lord’s Prayer. There could have others also, but I stopped caring.
They’re everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It feels like walking into the casino, betting on every number on the roulette wheel, and hoping it gets them over to the ‘other side’. They’re still going to come up short even if they get one right. I’ve tried and will continue to try to minister my father, but for some reason he refuses to give it up despite knowing that Jesus is God. Despite being a graduate from a prestigious university, and led an incredibly integrous career, his logic can be mind boggling sometimes.
It is difficult to change a person.
But I like that term, self realization. Realizing oneself through spiritual means. But what does it actually mean? Plenty of religions have doctrines on this, from Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Gnosticism, even including mystic Abrahamic faiths like Kabbalah and Sufism. They revolve around transcending ones ego and realizing ones role on the planet/universe. Some about our souls, liberation from human nature/cycles, cessation of suffering and so on.
The greater context here, in modern terms, I think is superego death. The complete loss of subjective self identity. How can you identify this? Check out burning man or any day time raves, if you see a modern hippy with a bunch of tatts, skimpy clothes, messy hair, chances are that they’ve ‘transcended’/’enlightened’ themselves. That would be the white washing version or appropriation, of being ‘self realized’. They’ve understood these religions well enough, applied that knowledge through some-heavy use of LSD and etc. and have been reborn with a ‘new state of mind’.
I’ve done the same, but not the same extent, so I have a general idea of what they’ve been through. It is a fascinating feeling which I’ve described before, but to be dependent on it, though feels like self liberation it is actually spiritual captivity. I’ve tried explaining my experience from my spiritual awakening with God but I will keep falling short. There’s no words to explain how I felt, perhaps I do not have adequate vocab/ education to describe it properly.
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I like to think we’re all connected through the Holy Spirit to God, and to one another. As much as I want the latter part to be true, I do not know if that is the case in Christianity. Christianity does not teach about ‘self realization’ in the same manner other Eastern doctrines do, but it does teach Christians to be more like Christ. The goal for every Christian is to not ‘find myself’ but to be more like Christ, which we will 100 % fall short on, cause Christ is perfect.
Christians are tasked not to realize their potential from isolation but realizing God’s will and purpose in their lives. We’re not called to be independent, but to be dependent on God.
‘Self realization’ is antithesis to the Christian way as we’ve been tasked to transcend ourselves from being dependent on self (sinful) to depending on Christ. This process is arduous compared to popping a tab and ‘feeling the vibes’ as it requires us to take up the cross and deny self-will by completely leaving everything up to the Spirit.
It is undoubtedly a more abstract way of life, and I suppose that is where the beauty lives. You are tasked to follow His directions not knowing where you’ll end up. It is not blind faith to completely put your trust in Him, whether or not He has revealed Himself to you, for He has already revealed Himself through the Word. It is trusting Him completely.
I’ve personally felt Him momentarily as a teen, for 4–5 weeks as an adult, and hopefully for the rest of my life after my baptism.
I pray that everyone achieves some sort of revelation somewhere, somehow, it’ll be completely narcissistic of me to think that some pieces on the internet will help you look towards only Christianity. So for now I’ll treat you the same way I’ll treat old self.
There’s many paths to equal truth. You can either learn from scriptures, experiences, or even drugs. However there is only One Absolute Truth that has love at the center, and love is the most important constant at all phases and levels of life. Only His love is everlasting. However before you go have fun experiencing with the others, learn the basics of Him first. Even if you stray too far away, He will pull you back.
Sometimes I lay under the moon
And thank God I’m breathin’
Then I pray, “Don’t take me soon
’Cause I am here for a reason”
I hope to live up to the King without a crown’s expectations of me. Don’t take me too soon. I am only beginning. I want to do more.
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