Hope The Guilt Never Finds You
I hope the guilt never finds you. Not because what happened didn’t matter, but because I don’t wish the kind of pain I felt on anyone. There was a time when I genuinely believed that giving someone my trust meant giving them a safe place to hold the most vulnerable parts of me. I thought trust meant knowing that even when things got difficult, that person would still choose to communicate, to stay honest, and to take responsibility for the commitment they had made. But sometimes, the person we trust the most becomes the person who teaches us why trust is so difficult in the first place.
The relationship ended unilaterally, without much explanation, and that was probably one of the hardest things to accept.
Because commitment is not something that only exists when everything feels good. There were two people in that relationship, and both of them were fighting their own battles. One person was trying to become independent and figure out their future, while the other was also trying to survive, dealing with life and everything that came with it. Yet somehow, even in the middle of all that chaos, there was still an effort to think about the relationship, to care, and to be there. That’s why being left behind without proper communication hurt so much.
What made it even harder was knowing that life continued normally for the other person. College, friends, new experiences, new days. Meanwhile, the other was struggling just to get through one day without thinking about everything that happened. Sometimes surviving a single day without breaking down already felt like enough. And maybe that sounds dramatic to someone who has never experienced it,
but losing the one person you trusted after already feeling alone in the world can make everything feel heavier.
I’ve never been someone who trusts easily. So being betrayed by the one person I finally allowed myself to trust felt different. It wasn’t only the relationship that ended. A part of the safety I had built around another person disappeared too. And I think that’s what people sometimes fail to understand about hurting someone who already struggles to trust: they don’t just break the relationship.
They can make the person question whether trusting anyone again is worth the risk?.
Still, I don’t regret everything. I’m grateful for the memories, for everything that was once given, and especially for having met the family. When I said I loved them, I meant it. The end of a relationship doesn’t erase the kindness of people who were never responsible for how the relationship ended. So there will always be love and respect for the family, even if the relationship itself is something I have to leave behind.
Get pelangirc’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I’ll probably always remember what happened, though. Not because I want to hold a grudge forever, but because some experiences become lessons whether we ask for them or not. Maybe someday that person will grow, become more mature, understand commitment better, and learn how much responsibility comes with being trusted by someone. I hope they become a better, especially for their family, and I hope they never hurt another woman in the same way.
Especially not a woman who is already learning how to survive this cruel world without her father by her side. Because losing a father and having to figure out how to keep going without that kind of protection is something people may never fully understand unless they’ve lived it themselves. The world already feels cruel enough sometimes. The last thing anyone needs is for the person they trusted to become another reason it feels unsafe.
So I hope the guilt never finds you. I hope you get to live peacefully, build your future, fall in love again, and become happy. But I also hope that somewhere along that journey, you become wise enough to understand the weight of the trust someone once placed in your hands. Not because I want you to suffer,
but because I hope you become the kind of person who knows how to protect that trust when someone gives it to you again.
And as for me, I’m learning that loving someone doesn’t mean I have to keep choosing them at the expense of myself.
Sometimes leaving is not proof that the love disappeared. Sometimes it’s simply proof that, after everything, I finally learned to choose myself too.
