Girl, You Are Glowing
If I’m honest, I’ve never felt so weak in my life.
The Saturday I was at Muay Thai class, I sat there wondering if I was actually getting better. I had less energy, I felt more vunerable, and the power I once had so much confidence in seemed fleeting.
Then something happened on Sunday. An older woman in our church came up to me and said “Girl, you’re glowing!” and I couldn’t help but wonder…
Was it the new exercise? The toner? The light outfit? Either way, I had found myself feeling weaker and happier all at the same time.
The rest of the day played out in an interesting way. For the first time I noticed my ex, and his presence — but not really feeling any sort of way towards it. Like a pressure, but not pain — even when him and his girlfriend happened to visit the same resturant as us, I could be nice, loving, caring.
Get PerfectlyImperfect’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Life is weird. I used to pride myself on believing I could fall in love with anyone. Now I realize, I can’t… and it’s only through the Lord’s power that I find myself showing love through kindness, to a brother-in-Christ that the world simply would not understand.
Because after all, we are our Maker’s before anything else. He is my brother before my ex. I am God’s daughter before I am an employee. There are part of ourselves that DO indeed have more weight, and thus more influence over who we are and how we chose to be.
But today. I was glowing. After 4-years of feeling defeated and not knowing how to open up post-relationship. After a relationship that challenged my beliefs, values, and who I was (was I doing it because I actually cared, or just because it was his desire)? I came out feeling stronger and more satisfied than I ever imagined. I smiled, not because the world was perfect, but because I was growing: to be more intentional with time spent with my dad, to struggle when Christian’s in today’s world seem nonchalant, and to show a love and energy in the tasks at Toastmasters and work laid before me, that could only be managable through an overflow of God’s grace, as opposed to cultivated in my own way.
Things have changed. My dressing style is somehow 80% like my friend’s, I have an exercise routine, new friends, I am up to my eye-balls in things to do (but somehow still enjoying life). There are still things I struggle with like jealousy and comparision, boldness faith, and being confident in devoting time to my own projects, but that’s okay.
Because we’re all growing in our own ways, and since I know the Lord is still working on me, I guess until I get to enternity, I’ll accept today’s win.
Today, I feel bright.
